hhonestly oshifer

So beginith the rant:

I have, on occasion, been pulled over. I would like think I handle the situation like a professional. I give respect, I try to be patient, and I generally don't let my mouth start running with the filter off (most of the time).
Part of my daily ritual is to check my email. When I go to the Yahoo I like to run through the news stories on the ticker. One of their advice columns was about what not to say when pulled over. Unfortunately it wasn't all that specific, and read more like a "don't break a traffic law" how to guide.
So to supplement where I found this article lacking I will now make a lists of things NOT to say to an officer when pulled over.
First: Do not respond to the question "Do you know why I stopped you?" with: Because you're lonely; You thought I was cute; You needed a hug; You needed an excuse to use the siren; I woke you up; you wanted to arm wrestle...
-Do not ask to see their gun
-Do not say "hey your fly is open"... then laugh "haha sucker"
-Do not ask to wear their hat
-Don't say "here hold my beer"
-Do not use the words dead or hooker... at all.
-I'm on a mission from God doesn't work... See also blues brothers
-They do not like to be complimented on their mustaches
-Never ask a female cop to handcuff you... This will end badly
-Never ask if they can hear something kicking around in the trunk.
-they will not give you night vision to drive home with no headlights... they will just tow your car for being unsafe.
-When asked why were you speeding do not say... I CAN'T DRIVE 55 (in your best metal scream); because if you aint winning you're losing; my meth is getting cold; I don't wanna miss the first part of Idol; Cause I have to poop; my car is like a jetski and it will only turn if I accelerate; there is a killer after me; why is everyone else driving so slow?

This should help keep you guys out of trouble. You're welcome.

So endith the Rant: