You all look the same to me...

So Beginith the Rant:

What does a minister look like? Where in the bible does it share the dress code for a minister? Prophets maybe, ancient priests for sure. But ministers? Nope.
Does business casual exude more of the light of the Spirit vs. a t-shirt and jeans? Or even a pearl snap shirt? Should hair be long or short? Parted or combed back? Shoes should be leather or synthetic? Loafer or laces? Dare I ask if flip flops are even on the table?
Pastors are victims of stereotyping. They are expected to fit a mold that most people believe pastors should look like. A mold that exists due to a false idea of what piety should look like. Sadly most buy into this and fall in step, or are broken down by the masses or fear of losing a job.
Any other group would be lauded for bucking the stereotypes and fighting a close minded view, but not pastors. Most embrace the bent dress code expected of those in their profession and often condemn those who do not as well. Instead of educating the masses on the subject of not all having to look the same, they often allow the masses to dictate what is expected from them.
I’m sure you can connect the thinly veiled dots I’m laying out here with how in every group of stereotyped people there are those, in the group, that claim those who fight against those stereotypes are “not truly, insert group affiliation here.” I know we as educated people often see these poor souls as misguided, and a definite part of the problem. For example, when I am with my friends who are in those heavily stereotyped groups I often hear them say, “Thanks for holding us back.” a comment directed to a person from their group blindly following the stereotype and living up to the generalization, because every person who feeds the stereotype monster makes is stronger.
Now a person, not from the before mentioned stereotyped group, who expresses how someone from said group should dress, act, or appear is immediately branded a small minded racist or bigot. Unless of course that person is referring to a pastor… If that’s the case they make sure that person is on the church board so their contemptuous ramblings can be more affective in keeping the minister in step.
Where am I going with this? Most groups have leaders who fight for the members rights to be individuals. Stating that merits should be the judge of a person worth not their appearance. The cover does not make the book. Why do we as pastors not stand up for this? Why do those who fall into step with the “old school” look down on those who do not? Why do those who refuse have animosity to those who do not? Do you think I know that both of those questions are generalizations not taking into account that not every minister falls into those two camps or schools of thought? Well, crap… Generalizations are just easier to write I guess.

So endith the Rant:

good parenting

So Beginith the Rant:


I found myself watching some cable news today... I try to avoid this when at all possible to avoid having bouts of rage at the perceived stupidity of the nations people as a whole. But today I found myself seeing a story of a man who is facing a $1,000 fine, 1,000 hours of community service, forced to take anger management classes, as well as counseling, and six months probation. What was his crime? Let me first start with posing a thought experiment.

Do you have children? Do you know someone who does? Do you have children you love and consider to be your own? Do any of these children have "special needs"?

Now imagine that one of these children came to you repeatedly to complain about being bullied at school as well as on the school bus because of their physical handicap. (not just name calling we are talking physically abused) What would you do?

I am assuming we would all call the school and report the problem. What would you do if the school took no action? If the child was now afraid to leave the house? What would you do if you saw it happening and got to confront the kids bullying your loved one?

Call me old fashioned but I believe that yelling and threatening them would be acceptable. Hell, if the kids were in their mid teens I would even say an asswhipping would even be justified. Especially if you caught them in the act. I don't see a single person who would look at a parent defending their child (special needs child) in this way as a danger, or a criminal.

Back to the guy mentioned above. The man's daughter with cerebral palsy was being tortured on the school bus. After weeks of the school ignoring his complaints he entered the bus and yelled and cussed out the kids abusing his daughter. (the kids were in middle school)

What kind of world do we live in where this needs to be punished to the full extent of the law? Am I wrong to assume parents cannot protect their children? I do not encourage use of violence, but if any time is it justified here ya go... If you were a bully and a pissed off dad came at you beating you to a pulp because he caught you slapping his daughter (special needs daughter... as if her being a girl wasn't good enough reason) do you think you would hit her again?
I guess I'm just barbaric in my thinking...

So Endith the Rant

Not so happy meal...

So Beginith the Rant:

I wasn't old enough to remember getting any kind of "toy" in a cracker jack box. When I was a kid only thing inside there were stickers and or baseball card. I do remember when cool toys came in cereal boxes... Even though my family was the feed the kids sticks and twig cereal rather than the fun stuff... Whole other rant there.

What I can remember when I was a kid was the McDonald's Happy Meal. I remember getting anything from matchbox/hotwheel cars to lego kits. I know I had the opportunity to eat more than a few of the meals as a kid especially on the road trip to Snyder to visit grandparents. Now today I read a story that people in California (focused around San Francisco, stupid libbies and their stupidness) are trying to pass a law banning toys in happy meals because, and get this, they think it is a leading cause of childhood obesity.

I am a founding member of the not yet organized group T.A.C.O. (taskforce against childhood obesity)which will advocate shame and reticule to make obese kids stop being fat. Remember when it wasn't okay to be the kid who could run across the playground? Or the kid too out of shape and soft to dodge a ball? Or got winded eating a sandwich? (again... There is a small percentage of people who can't help being fat, but that condition is rare. Also being a large kid isn't bad either. Obese is obese, fat is fat. Fat kids can function and often make great linemen) It was this shame and focus on physical activities that kept the shadow of obese children from darkening the playgrounds of my youth... I find it strange that lawsuits are being brought against fast food chains, when last I checked children can't drive, don't have access to credit, and often get lost or runover when allowed to treck out unsupervised... so with the exception of the independently wealthy kids with cars... adults, more to the point, parents of these kids are buying this good and allowing their kids to eat it and not be active. The first order of business for TACO will be to file suit against any parent of an obese child who cannot prove a medical reason for its fattness. Yes, I will have fries with that... make it a large. So endith the rant

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hhonestly oshifer

So beginith the rant:

I have, on occasion, been pulled over. I would like think I handle the situation like a professional. I give respect, I try to be patient, and I generally don't let my mouth start running with the filter off (most of the time).
Part of my daily ritual is to check my email. When I go to the Yahoo I like to run through the news stories on the ticker. One of their advice columns was about what not to say when pulled over. Unfortunately it wasn't all that specific, and read more like a "don't break a traffic law" how to guide.
So to supplement where I found this article lacking I will now make a lists of things NOT to say to an officer when pulled over.
First: Do not respond to the question "Do you know why I stopped you?" with: Because you're lonely; You thought I was cute; You needed a hug; You needed an excuse to use the siren; I woke you up; you wanted to arm wrestle...
-Do not ask to see their gun
-Do not say "hey your fly is open"... then laugh "haha sucker"
-Do not ask to wear their hat
-Don't say "here hold my beer"
-Do not use the words dead or hooker... at all.
-I'm on a mission from God doesn't work... See also blues brothers
-They do not like to be complimented on their mustaches
-Never ask a female cop to handcuff you... This will end badly
-Never ask if they can hear something kicking around in the trunk.
-they will not give you night vision to drive home with no headlights... they will just tow your car for being unsafe.
-When asked why were you speeding do not say... I CAN'T DRIVE 55 (in your best metal scream); because if you aint winning you're losing; my meth is getting cold; I don't wanna miss the first part of Idol; Cause I have to poop; my car is like a jetski and it will only turn if I accelerate; there is a killer after me; why is everyone else driving so slow?

This should help keep you guys out of trouble. You're welcome.

So endith the Rant:

don't poke a badger with a spoon

So beginith the rant:


I love FL. "Why?" you ask. Well all the great crazies come from here. The guy who started a church in Miami on the grounds he believed he was the anti-Christ, Scientology, and the dove of freedom church in Gainsville. This church popped up on my radar about a week ago when it was dinged in a local paper with its facebook campaign to burn a pile of Koran's on 9/11. Then the press machine got a hold of it and it made the yahoo main page.

What makes me smile deep down inside my soul is that other Christians, in fact most Christians, see this as a bad idea, and will not make one excuse for this type of douche move. I have seen pastors and church's go from pray for them to see how this is not Christ like to outright outrage and challenging whether or not they are actually a "Christian" church seeing how that whole love and respect aspect seems to have fallen out of their bibles.

But I'm not here to further condemn them for this exercise in jackassery. Nope, I'm going to turn the tables to our friends in the Islamic world. "What? Isn't this like blaming the victim in a rape case?"... NO. It's not like that. Just bare with me for a second.

When the military strategist for our war on terror, wait "over seas contiguity" states that this action of a troglodyte pastor and his cohorts will be used by extremest as a rallying tool to kill more people, troops, and cute cuddly things. I started to take a look at it from another angle. Which is, "Why do we tolerate these religious jackasses killing people in the name of Islam?" I have asked this a million times before.

But seriously look at this situation. This goober wants to burn some books he believes are evil and turns people into baby killing psychos and we (by we I mean a nation, a culture, and Christians) will throw him under the bus because he is a jackhole... We are not hated for this. No one looks at those of us in the Christian community that speak out against those who do bad things in the name of our faith. We are not hated for denouncing the ranks of those who protest military funerals or throw rocks at abortion clinics. I have no problems apologizing for those idiots, they are like a friend who is cool until they get smashed at a party and then you have to explain to everyone that you don't condone that type of behavior.
"Yes, technically they are Christian, but they are not doing it right. In fact they are making big mistakes. We should pray for them, and learn not to be like them"
"Yes, he's my buddy. Sorry he's normally really cool. But now I know he can't come and hang out with us anymore until he learns to know when to say when."

Yet, and this is a big yet. If someone today speaks out against those mouth breathing woman hating, baby killing knuckle draggers in the mideast you are branded as an "Islamaphobe". We are told that we should watch what we say and do as to not stir up the aholes over there and cause more problems... That is just not right. I shouldn't have to censor myself to keep backward evil people happy... No one should.

Don't get me wrong. Pastor "burny book" is doing it wrong. (when has a book burning ever been a good idea?) But,why isn't someone outraged and appalled by the fact that there is a group of people who will kill people just because they happen to have the same skin color or nationality as those who came up with that idea? Where is the lines of people marching in our streets protesting the religious practices of these people? Oh wait... we had those? Really? I thought those were just racist rallies of idiots who hate black people and other cultures. But what do I know I like tea. (that is another rant for another day)

So Endith the Rant:

a car is a vehicle

So beginith the rant:

Let me paint you a picture... Close your eyes (wait, you couldn't read if you did that, crap you couldn't read this if you had already done that) F'n let's start over.

Let me set the stage... Call in someone who knows how to read. Have them read this to you while you close your eyes and visualize the situation. (see how I fixed that.. man I'm awesome)
Okay, It's summer. It's three in the afternoon. You are in a dark colored shirt, jeans, and work boots. Wind none. Humidity 80%. You are in the parking lot surrounded by a sea of black asphalt which is radiating heat like the surface of the sun. A person walks up to you and you gaze upon them, thinking wow someone else can share the hell that is this moist microwave of despair. You both stand and sweat in the heat. The person forces a smile and goes to speak. Surely something they will say will help you deal with the torture that you currently endure. But instead of a quip about life or even a pithy "at least it aint raining" you get a, "man it's hot out here." Now in your head did you turn white with rage and bludgeon the person to death with their shoes? (I know you can't do it in real life, but remember that was an exercise in pretend. We all know that sometimes the pretend world gets out of hand)
I mention this little thought experiment to illustrate a point about things people say just to make noises in social situation. Because what they say could remain unsaid and saying them only removes the impression of intelligence from them.
I will now bring to light a phrase that, if uttered to me, will quickly be met with verbal consequences. Such as, "you're and idiot." or "that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard." or "not speaking is something you should invest in." or "I know in your head you think you're deep, but to ants mud puddles are the F'n ocean."
"What is this phrase?" you ask. Here it comes, "It is what it is." You have just read the dumbest thing to ever be said in this history of dumb things said. (if Paris Hilton were to speak this aloud it could cause a black hole of stupid large enough to swallow half the U.S. population)
Why does this make the top of my list? In the past few months of my life I have experienced some extreme life changing events. (Ranging from a marriage ending to changing of career direction)
The people who are close to me surrounded me with love and great advice. Even spoke words of wisdom that have helped me pick the pieces of my life up and start to rebuild a better mousetrap out of them. But some people... Some people... Who are not well "good" at dealing with tough stuff. (which is most people) will hear about what has happened to me and throw out the gem of "It is what it is..." Which I ignored at first but by now cannot help but boil over with ire when I hear it. In fact, if I hear it said to someone else for any reason I make it a point to ensure the person who said knows they are mentally defective.
Now lets look closely at the stupidity of this phrase. "It is what It is." It violates the law of defining a word by using the word in the definition. (See also Lucky Number Sleven) It is a self canceling phrase that means nothing. Because something is, it is. That doesn't need to be said. It's just how the f'n universe works (unless you buy into some far ranging philosophy on the subject... that is a rant for another day) Seriously, if you have ever said this phrase, don't do it again. A little bit of your soul, brain, and relevance dies every time you say it. Not to mention who ever you said it to doesn't think you're deep they think you lick windows. But it is what it is.

So endith the Rant.

conspiracy... maybe

So beginith the rant:

I do not hate anyone, and I'm not the kind of person to hate a group of people. I also don't really dig making fun of someone about something they can't help. For example if you are in a wheelchair or blind you can't really help that. Even if you weren't born that way, but rather a stupid life choice left you that way being blind or crippled is really enough. No need for me to add insult to injury.

I want to say that this rant is not making fun of fat people. I don't want that to be what you draw from this, but Some of the things I say could be taken wrong for that I apologize in advance.


I am 6'2" 200lbs of dude I have a 34" waist, a 34" inseam and a 44" chest. I'm not gigantic but I'm not small ether I am above average in size for a male. In fact I am best described as "deceptively large". Keep this in mind as I explain my conspiracy theory.


My theory is this:
Someone in the TSA or FAA as a cruel joke has placed me on some type of list that ensures that if I buy a plane ticket with a seat that does not sit alone the seat adjoining mine must be occupied by an obese person. In my years of flying with the exception of the times when I didn't travel alone I have never had the pleasure of not sharing a row with a fat person.

I would literally be shocked to the point of awe if on my next flight an attractive slim lady were to sit in the seat next to me... As nice as that would be I would be equally shocked if a skinny anything were to sit next to me, male or female attractive or ugly. I so hat leaning while a stationary arm rest causes internal bleeding to my; kidneys I would gladly welcome a woman with a screaming child over a two seat sized ass crammed into a single coach seat. In my flight career I have had neighbors in the seat next to me on numerous occasions request that extension to the seat belt, seriously you need to reconsider life if you have to add length to a seat belt on an airplane (it's called lapband look it up)


Of course the few times I fly southwest it is the people's choice who they sit next to and because I'm not small most people opt for a short person rather than a lanky white dude which means as the flight fills up I get the bottom of the barrel folks which often fit the parameters of the fatties mentioned above. But this does not count as the choice is theirs not some hateful algorithm in a computer designed to make sure my reward for buying a plane ticket is spinal curvature by the time I land.

I will post again after my flight home next Wednesday to see if my conspiracy theory holds water.

So endith the rant.. for now.


**UPDATE**

Today on my flight from OKC to Memphis I was surprised to see a slim gentleman in his mid 50's as my seatmate. After I checked my ticket twice I sat down and settled in. I was starting to tear up as I looked at him. It was obvious that he was confused and nervous (if a big creepy white dude was staring at you tearing up you's be putt off too). I wanted to assure the guy that they were tears of joy so I tried to hug him. Which was slightly awkward because of the seat belts. This began to panic him further so I used words to communicate. I told him about my luck with seatmates and my theory on the conspiracy. He laughed. I laughed. Then a young lady with a screaming child settled right across the isle from me.
It was at this time I realized that there was a higher power that was torturing me through my seating... Go back and read the post. What did I say I would prefer instead of another obese person? What did I get?
Whoever it is they read my rants... Which is frightening, nobody should wield that much power and still stoop to read my garbage. They are not stable.
I suggest you all sleep with you doors locked tight. I know I am.

here's to you

I salute you, Local who refuses to pay cover or wait in line or follow the rules of an establishment because you happen to live in the area.
Thanks, your poor attitude and entitlement mentality makes enforcing the rules even more difficult for the rest of us.
I appreciate how you are filled with rage by having to be like the normal people who have taken time off their busy schedule to vacation in your area, which provides you with the money to enjoy the little things like, food and shelter.
So today, I give you a long lingering high five oh master of the gripe. Smile and pat yourself on the back as you complain out of a five dollar cover that goes to pay the band, and stay classy.

back

So beginith the rant:


This rant will be short.
And by most standards not even that "ranty".
I have found myself in a position in life where a "normal" person would have much to blindly rant and rage about.
But I refuse to air my laundry in detail on the inner-webs for a few reasons.
1. I prefer to use short cryptic messages on public forums so that people who know me will get it and the rest of the masses will just skim on by.
2. I don't think that anyone really wants to hear about my problems in detail anyway. I mean I rant on here because I know three people read it, and therefor want them to continue.
3. Principle. Yup, I have a distaste for the people who publicly throw around sensitive personal matters that can have a ripple effect on those around them.
5. I am anti-drama. Why would I feed someone's addiction? It would be like an avid anti drug user selling crack.

Moral of this little story. I have lots to rant about, and none of it will be about "that stuff".

So endith the Rant:

i saw the light

So beginith the rant:

I live in the sunshine state, but unlike what the name suggests there are times when the sun doesn't actually shine. Like at night or during heavy rain. During these rare moments of sunlessness people in the FL find that driving will require the use of headlights.

Headlights are important they allow you to see obstacles in you way like deer, dogs, and unsupervised children. Headlights also allow you to be seen by other motorists which keeps you from trying to make a real life Voltron. Headlights are not the source of my ire here today. You see when you have a headlight out you generally replace it quickly seeing how you need then to see at night.

No, I have found an annoyance that fills me with indignant rage, which is easy to do when I'm driving especially if I'm driving in FL during a rainstorm. (I have road rage issues) When driving home from work the other afternoon during a particularly heavy rain shower I was stuck behind a green SUV who had a taillight out. So only one light lit up to inform me he/she was stopping. This would have been the end of my story, and there would be no rant here if that was the only vehicle with the problem. Nope, by the time I finished the 15min drive to my home, in the rain, I was behind no less than 5 cars with only one working tail light.

The safety issues bother me, and the annoyance of following them gets at me a bit too, but what really rubs me the wrong way is the fact that they have not been pulled over repeatedly for this. I have had tail light go out a few times in my jeep, due to a wiring problem that may or may not have resulted from one of the times the vehicle caught on fire. Anyhoo... I have been pulled over a dozen times at least because of this. In fact I don't think I have ever gone more than a day or two with a tail light out without an officer pointing it out to me, both in the state of OK and FL. So how do these jackholes get a pass from that annoyance? Or am I to believe that all 5 of these vehicles lost tail light function on the same day?

So endith the rant.

spell'n is hard

So beginith the Rant:

I'm not a big fan of public protest. I believe it can be used, in moderation, to show disapproval for certain key items. By "key" I mean something that can negatively effect life, limb, and prosperity of humans. All other displays of civil disobedience for numerous reason that do not fall under that umbrella of importance are just boarder line nut jobs who need to take up a hobby that keeps them indoors. (you hearing me hippies? How about knitting?)

Today I was driving and heard on the radio that the national spelling bee in Washington D.C. was protested. The first thoughts to run through my head was, "Wow, I hate spelling, I suck at it. And I am so not a fan of the spelling bee. But I would never protest it. Because no one would support my irrational dislike of spelling. So, why the protest?"
Surely someone who is running the bee said something about gays, or is gay. Or maybe a judge was a convicted felon. Maybe someone sees the competition as objectifying children, or bias against dumb children. Maybe some bees were injured during the production. All of these reason would, in our world of idiots, seem to me as "reasonable" excuses to get riled up. (reasonable by hippie standards... stupid hippies)

As I read the article I realized that the small group of 4 protesters had an agenda that I completely support. Had I even known this bunch of crazies existed I would have made the jaunt to support the cause. (well maybe not, but I would have bought a t-shirt or wore a wristband)
Their point was this, "Spelling is too hard. We should change the English language to reflect logical and phonic spelling."
Can I get an amen?!
Those of you who know me, know my spelling ability can be surpassed by your average 4th grader. (seriously a below average 4th grader would stand a chance) I have always been cursed with a brain that sees words as more shapes and symbols rather than sounds, yet when it came to putting words down my brain will go with the letters that make the right sound. I'm sure this is a known and proven learning disability, and I bet there are special classes and meetings where I could go and be with more of my kind. (that frightens me... I like the idea that I'm like the highlander with this spelling curse, there can be only one)
Back on task. Imagine a world were you could spell anything as long as you knew what sound letter made... It would be awesome. And I would never have to call anyone named "Sean" "Shawn" again.... Sean your name is SEEN. And Herb would be a name and erb would be what you eat from the garden.


So endith the rant:

http://www.onenewsnow.com/AP/Search/US/Default.aspx?id=1036740

I promise this is the last time.

So beginith the rant:

Back on my BP rant. You know about that oil spill that is in the gulf. The same oil spill that isn't washing up on the beaches of North West Florida. I just want to share a conversation I overheard between two people.
Business owner 1 will be called "Lady". Business owner 2 will be called "Man".
Here we go.

Lady, "Hey, we are really slow this week."
Man, "Wow, even though its Memorial Day Weekend?"
Lady, "Yes, we are down 30% from last years numbers."
Man, "Wow, that's tough. We are kind of slow too."
Lady, "Yeah. Well we went to the BP claims adjuster and filed our claim for reimbursement."
Man, "Seriously? Reimbursement? But there is no oil."
Lady, "But BP set up an office for anyone who is suffering business loss due to the oil spill."
Man, "Really. How much can you get?"
Lady, "Don't know we just filed our claim and go back in a few days to see, but we know someone who walked out with a $5,000 check."
Man, "Wow! Really?"
Lady, "Yeah, Really."
(A quick side note "man" has not to my knowledge gone to BP to file a claim.)

I know British Petroleum kinda screwed the pooch on this oil spill. And from everything I've read they are bending over backwards to help those people out who need it. And I appreciate the fact that they even set up a claims office in our area. But they shouldn't need to open it seeing how there is no oil here.
But the people who are riled up about losing business didn't lose it because of oil, nope they lost it because people think there is oil here. One should ask the question, "Why would people be under the impression that there is oil on beaches when there isn't?" Probably because the media keeps playing this story up with no solid facts. The more sensational the more extreme the better. The graphs the maps are not accurate they are "expert projections", and by projections we really mean worse case scenarios from jack holes who barely know what the heck they're talking about.
So, now BP is having to spend money to reimburse people who don't have oil on their beaches because the oil spill has scared people away from the clean beaches too. And in our world's twisted view that is BP's fault.

Will someone please restore my hope in humanity?

I would love for a business owner to bypass the BP claim and file one against a major media outlet for scaring off business. Make CNN, FOX, MSNBC, CBS or ABC write you a check. Hold them accountable. I hate when people throw around lawsuits for the sake of lawsuits but this one seems kind of legit.
If you don't have crude sticking to your feet then BP shouldn't have to pay you.
As for the "Lady" in the conversation above her lack of numbers could be attributed to a million different things. Seeing how she ran a specialty shot that appeals to a very, VERY small demographic. A demographic that may not have happened to vacation at the same time same place this year, but that's BP's fault as well. (another side note her business is located in a resort that at the time was at 98% occupancy, which is pretty dang full of people)

For some reason we (by we I mean our culture) have demonized oil companies and have no problem talking pot shot at them. Surely its not because of the product that we all use and need to survive. I mean do you hate farmers? They make money off your food? But it's not really just big oil under the hate umbrella its all big business, kinda. It's like as a culture we hate that people are making money, and employing people, and producing products. But the issue I have is this hate is selective only Health insurance providers, lenders and traders, and oil companies are evil all other giant businesses get a pass. Why? The giant media and tech companies (Google) make billions and rip people off all the time? Why aren't they evil? Why aren't they being attacked by the media?
Wait... Because they pay the salaries of the media "reporters" (yes I used parenthesis on purpose I don't see anyone on TV as reporters anymore). So wouldn't that be the same as smear campaign? Aren't there laws or something about one company tearing down another company for profit?

So endith the rant:

on to plan... uh... plan?

So beginith the Rant:

I live on the beaches in North West Florida. Did you know that an oil company had an oil rig blow up and is currently leaking oil into the Gulf of Mexico? Did you know this problem is actually weeks old? Did you know that it's still pumping black gold into the water and that sludge is making landfall in Louisiana? Well if you didn't then you'd better thank God for waking you from your coma.

Here are the few things that are rubbing me sideways about this whole oil debacle. First, yes its a big deal that oil is leaking out of a big pipe into the gulf, but this isn't the first time we have had an oil spill. This has been happening all over the world since the dawn of using oil from the ground. Yet, if you listen to the media (who I am now convinced are retarded... All of them. And the only people who are even slightly convinced or believe anything they say are also mentally challenged. I trust the media less than I trust a career politician. Unless said media pundit actually sites sources that I too can read.) you would be convinced that nothing like this has ever happened and this spill is worse than dead babies, Y2k, and Hitler all mixed together, and there is nothing we can do to stop it!! We are all going to DIE!!! The oil will poison us all and then actually gain sentient thought and try to enslave us!! Basically, the media is full of crap. And the oil spill is a big deal... Just not that big a deal. It has happened before and it can be cleaned up.

"But Marshall, the oil company has done nothing. It didn't even have a plan. And the government is doing nothing, it doesn't even have a plan. Big Oil owns the government and is destroying the world... (insert your dumb ass hippie half cocked theory here)"

So whose fault is it? Let's look at the issues and you tell me.
-The rig blew up. For reason unknown. Could have been a structural thing. If so that part could be BP's fault or at least the engineering firm who designed it, or the contractor that built it or inspector that okay'd it.
The shut off valve failed. There again BP, contractor, engineer, or inspector.
-Can't plug the hole. Well, you see big oil had a plan. But it required some government okaying and well they kinda got delayed. So the needed emergency "butt plug" (Seriously plan A is drop a giant frigg'n cork, made of 10 tons of concrete and steel on it and go from there.) was not built quick enough. Why because the government wasn't sure if it was going to work so they needed convincing. Yes, the approved method of emergency stoppage that was agreed upon by the EPA and other government entities was sidelined while they argued whether or not it would work... My question is why didn't they have a few of those butt plugs pre-built in a yard somewhere? One would assume that with the number of rigs in the water that having one of those things ready to move would be a good idea. Strike one BP and Strike one Government.
-The oil was not contained. You see, there is another problem. There are things that can be built to protect coasts from oil. But the EPA wanted to do a study on how those would effect the marine life in the area, but not fast enough to allow for them to be built. So instead of a barrier that could be removed when all was said and done they opted for tons of oil to wash ashore. Good job hippies. And another strike government.
-The oil not getting cleaned up fast enough. Well, here is where it gets tricky. There was a plan A and B and even C to keep this under control, but the ever failing EPA stopped the oil company from using any of the approved plans in fear that it would damage the environment... Yes the EP-freak'n-A stopped cleanup to run test on the cleanup to make sure the cleanup wouldn't damage the environment all the while a 2 foot pipe is pouring crude oil into open water...
Strike (what number are we on?) government... But it gets better the whole time this is going on our environment loving government that is pushing to pass a cap and trade bill to hamstring production in the Untied States based on science that was proven false is still failing to send anyone from coast guard, navy, or EPA to reinforce the locals responding. Ooops another strike government.
Now, because of all this BP cannot do anything to clean anything up ,and they are being painted as failures because their plans haven't worked... Even though they have only been able to execute one of them.
What does this prove? What is my point?
Well, this is a textbook example of why hippies fail at life. Liberals and bureaucrats cannot accomplish anything... EVER! Seriously can you think of a government bureaucratic social plan that has ever succeeded?

I'll end with this:
"Sir that rug is on fire."
"Burning rugs can lead to burning houses we should put that out."
"Great idea, I have here a bucket of water."
"NO! don't throw that water on the fire it could damage the rug."
"Wait, won't the fire destroy the rug."
"Yes, but we can't go possibly damaging the rug keeping it from getting destroyed."
"Sir..."
"Yes."
"You are retarded."
"That is offensive to all mentally handicapped people around the world."
"No, you are retarding the situation, pushing back progress, and hinder forward momentum. By definition you are retarded. And now the rug is gone and the couch is on fire."
"Okay, lets find out who started this fire."
"Before we put it out?"

So endith the rant:

moo juice redux

So beginith the rant:

I love my grandma. We as a family poke fun at her a bit about the random warnings she is famous for bringing to our attention. She will start a conversation with "they say" and we all know what follows will be sensationalized gold.
For example "they" at one time told us that eating eggs was like drinking lard and gasoline mixed with meth. Then in three weeks time "they" said that eating eggs was the healthiest way to gain valuable protean. Then a few weeks later "they" said that really just the egg whites were the healthy part and the yellow yoke (also known as flavor) is the devil's poison. Alas, "they" were not finished just a few months after that "they" said that not eating the yoke of the egg was costing you valuable nutrients that are good for you. This egg egg-zample is just one of the many cases where "they" have told us something is killing us only to later tell us how good that killing substance is for us.

Who is "they"? They is the media in all forms. You see they have to fill hours of broadcast time and somewhere along the way someone realized that people actually trusted what reporters supposedly received from experts as a mirrored copy of the information run through the normal people wording filter so the masses can grasp the needed information. When this trust was realized some jackass somewhere had a thought, "You know if I blatantly make crap up and sell it as gospel fact people will not know the difference, because people are lazy and don't read." Well this breach of trust opened up the gates to the unholy media nightmare that we suffer today. Think about how many times you have heard, "What is killing your kids that you use every day. Details at six." Seriously if something were actually killing your kids don't you think that news would warrant an interruption of regularly scheduled programming? But now you're freaked out because you love your kids and you use stuff every day. Now you will watch a poorly drawn story using one study's numbers skewed out of proportion, and they will have told you that vinegar leads to brain damage and Windex causes aids. Actually it makes me throw up a little in my mouth every time I think about it.

As many of TV watching masses of this country this out right attack on our intelligence has made me distrust everything said by every news person all the time. (Global warming? Global cooling? Climate change? Hole in the ozone? Killer bees? Y2K? Ash from volcanoes? El Nino?) I've beaten this dead horse before, but yet another example has come to light one I've written about before.

Go back and have a read Moo Juice.

Now today I read that chocolate milk is a great way to lose weight and build muscle... Wait? What? Schools actually were not killing children by infecting them with fat? A person can drink some chocolate milk and benefit from its milky goodness? The positive aspects of chocolate milk amplify an active lifestyle? Was Marshall actually right when he said that the cause of childhood obesity is not what the kids eat but what they do? Does the blame fall not on the school lunchroom, fast food, or soda manufactures, but on the shoulders of parents who do not force their children to play? Or how about liberal educators that ban physical education because sometimes a fat kids gets picked last? Here's a great way not to get picked last... work harder on being not fat. How? Burn more calories than you take in. How to keep your kids from being fat? Make them actually move around for a few hours a day, and give them some chocolate milk.

So endith the rant.

i don't get it

So beginith the rant:

I had the great opportunity to travel to Kenya years ago. To make this trip I had to file papers and get a passport. I also had to spend hard earned cash to be stabbed with a number of needles to make sure I didn't die from some awful disease. And lastly I had to go to a doctor and receive a prescription for an anti malaria drug to keep me from getting mosquitoed to death.

The trip another continent took me to three major airports, all which required that I show my papers proving I was an American Citizen and had received my shots. When I arrived in country my passport was stamped with various visas to let any authority know why I was in country and how long I was allowed to stay. I was informed that when traveling I should keep my papers safe, but readily accessible just in case I was asked to present them to anyone. I was a white person in a black nation and this didn't at all seem out of the ordinary. In fact I never once gave the idea that I could be asked to present my passport and visa to anyone another thought, it just seemed like a normal and logical request that could be made to me at anytime.

I drive a car. For those of you who do not let me fill you in on the basic premise. To operate a vehicle (with the exception of certain agricultural options) one must be of a certain age and pass a driving test to show that you have the basic ability to understand the laws that govern our roads and highways and preform basic driving functions with a vehicle. When finish this process you are given a license to carry with you whenever you are driving. When using the road system in any of the United States you can be asked if, and must be able to prove, you have completed this age and testing requirement. The standard and legal way is by presenting a government document to the agent. I have been asked only a few times, unsolicited, to show my proof of legal drivemanship. (by unsolicited I mean not because I broke a law to provoke an officer to inquire about my legitimacy as a driver... that has happened far more than a "few" times) These unsolicited verifications of my legal driving status have all been at a road block, but since the roads are government owned I feel that they have the right to make sure that all who are using them are doing so legally. As annoying as this is I have given it very little thought.

I once used a PO box. To obtain this mailbox I was asked to present two forms of government ID to show that I was who I said I was. I didn't see this as weird or in any way a violation of my rights. I recently found myself taking a job and needing to file employment papers with an HR firm. This firm also asked for two forms of government issued ID to prove that I was who I said I was.

Why am I listing these examples? Simple. In the state of Arizona they recently passed a law that allowed state officials to actually enforce the Federal Laws on people who are in our country illegally and fail to produce an ID in a situation that calls for one. Any of the above mentioned scenarios can be used as probable cause to ask a person to prove their citizenship or legal visiting status. Those who fail will be detained and deported.

Some see this as racist... I see it as... DOING WHAT EVERY FREAKING COUNTRY ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET DOES!!!! EVERY COUNTRY REGULATES VISITORS AND IMMIGRANTS EVEN MEXICO! As a country you have to... Well, you don't have to if you country has a system of government or a standard of living that will not be ill affected by a flood of people who are not part of any regulatory system.

The issue I have here is this. If I were ever asked to prove my citizenship, and as I mentioned above I have been, I will proudly show my papers. I have read and listened to people compare this law to the Nazi's and them gun butting people who refuse to show their papers as they are walking down the street. Seriously... Is a law designed to get a handle on a flood of illegal immigrants by enforcing the laws that are already on the federal books fascist? Or is the real reason this is a big deal is because the people are brown? I know I'm white and therefor racist by nature... Well, at least that's what I've been taught, because we all know only white people can be racists.

If Montana or Maine made laws that required this of the Canadian immigrants would that lead to such an outcry? (NO.. the answer is no. Because both states have laws that do the very same thing... Well more to the point they just enforce the Federal Laws on immigration) What about the poor Canadians who are just coming down here to escape their high taxes and weak health care and bilingualness? (French... uhhh torture) Where are the celebrities boycotting the states? Where are the protesters? Sorry Frenchy you're white and therefor you have to obey the letter of the law, but had you been born brown you could cry racism and make us all feel terrible that we are abusing you by holding you to the same standards as other races...

The more I write the more sickened I become... I mean what kind of sick race hater am I to think we should treat all people the same under the law regardless of skin color? Who would ever dream of the blasphemous idea of judging someone on their actions rather than their skin color? I'm glad that type of thought is limited to us fringe white racists... I mean NO person of color would ever utter such ideas of injustice...

To wrap up. If I were in another country illegally I would be deported... Especially if I were fraudulently abusing that countries social programs put in place to help its citizenship. I would be deported and held to the full letter of the law, but only because I'm white.

So endith the rant:

way to go

So beginith the rant:

I have absolutely no love loss for the creepy fundamental religious zealots. To be PC (even though I don't really care) I truly mean every fundamental religious zealot from Islamic to Jewish, from Christian to Atheist, From Buddhist to Scientologist. The moral of this story is if you reach that special place of militant following where by you find that your brain has been damaged to the point that violence and murder with threats and terror are considered acceptable practices for conversion to your belief system I truly care nothing about you. I do not hate these people (only because my Lord really frowns on hating. Unless it's the hating of evil, but seeing how its also a big no no to assume someone is evil... you know that judge not line...) I only ignore them and carry no weight of respect for them.

Now I know religion can be twisted by leaders and used to enslave and incite people to do awful things, horrendous things ranging from mass murder to blind judging and shunning. And I know that it is not the religion's fault, and I know that trying to stop this abuse by writing laws or shutting down hateful sects would open the door for people to start attacking legitimate religious organizations just because they didn't like their message. It's a slippery slope.

Having said that I will now chime in on the South Park Muhammad debacle. (if you seriously don't know anything about this go to yahoo and search it) The moral of that story was two guys who make a habit of slandering every religion and call it satire (tastelessly depicting Siddhartha doing lines of blow off a table in front of 4th graders is not satire, or really funny, or clever...) but some of what Matt and Trey do is actually kind of funny and is considered satire. Even some of their approach to religious mockery. Primarily the Scientology episode. Seeing how this cult is about as much a religion as Sam's Club membership I don't consider any dig at them an attack on a belief system. More to the point these two guys are rude and do not care who they offend, for that last part I have a little respect. (I'm all about say what you think)

You see I live in a country, that at the moment, allows me to have views that offend other people. And the great thing about that is others can have views that offend me. That's a freedom thing, and I love it. But what crawls in my craw and festers is when one group gets to bully another because it has been offended. (see also people suing teachers and coworkers for praying, reading a bible, or talking about their faith) In the South Park case some backwards ass group of Islamic-retards. Yes they are retards, anyone who slows or negates the process of something is retarded. Yes it it offensive. Yes it is true. You know that the Islamic nation was resposible for some of our worlds most important leaps of civilization? The number zero. They had women leaders, and respected the sharing of the Holy Land by all faiths... Until a group decided that enlightenment was stupid and started shoving the whole religion back to the dark ages... That is regression, those people are retarded and in my book are right up there with child molesters and rapists. (because no one should be allowed to spread hatred, shame, and misery)

Back on task. For some reason the media and "intellectuals" keep going out of their way to keep us (everyone but that 15% of the population that shares their beliefs) from hating these retards. They say it is wrong to lump a people and judge them. They say that not all Islamic people are evil retards. (which is true) But what they also say is we should respect these Islamitards (my word. yes you can borrow it) beliefs and not offend them. This is where I draw the frigging line. Here is why.
In my 28 years, 13 of those as a Christian, I have seen my Lord and savior depicted as:
-gay
-pissing on people
-a drunk
-a hippie
-weak
-a pedophile
Just to name a few.
I have seen my God the creator of the universe depicted as:
-a machine that grows algae
-a platypus monster
-a sex crazed old man
-Alanis Morissettte

Some of these depictions caused a few members of more conservative chapters of my faith to write letters or even stage a demonstration or two. And sadly I'm sure someone threw out a death threat or two. But these depictions of my Lord and God were allowed to be seen and the coverage from the media painted those who complained as a fringe group that needed to shut up and face the fact that, "This is 'merica and we don't cotton lightly to being told what we can say and who we can say it to. So suck it." Not an exact quote but close enough.

But when these Islmatards threaten violence we hear things like, "we should respect their views." "It's wrong to offend them." No it's not wrong for us to offend them. It's wrong for us to heed their threats and empower them. Yes, I agree that he Christian-tards who send death threats and call for the killing of people should be shunned and written off as idiots and arrested. By the same token so should the Islamitards. They are not a minority being punished or repressed they are a minority punishing and oppressing. When will people see this? Where is the outrage? Where is the intellectuals sitting them down telling them to "Respect our beliefs"?

Now, let me park this bus. There was a group sponsoring a "Draw Mohammad Day" where everyone can draw Mohammad and post it on a site to tell these groups to suck it. I seriously thought about doing it. But then I would, out of fairness, have to participate in the "Draw an insulting picture of Jesus Day" and "Make a Graven Image of God Day". I'm not going to offend an entire religion to get at one group. Nope. What I'm going to do is pray. Laugh at the funny satire about my faith, and be offended at the offensive stuff. But more importantly I'm going to enjoy living in place where that kind of garbage and creativity can exists freely. I need to do it while I can I fear its only a matter of time before someone ruins it for us all.

So endith the Rant:

H is for sucking at life

So beginith the rant:

If you know me you know that I have a raw seething hatred of all things "reality TV" I have a hard time watching the Ultimate Fighter on SPIKE even though I have been an avid MMA fan for years (thanks God for allowing us to have the brainpower to invent the DVR allowing me to pre-record the whole show and fast forward to the actual fights... Really who wants to see grown men bickering over who stole their stickers and who said whose butt was fat... Or whatever they talk about between the fights.) Back on topic. For some reason this reality crap continues to grow and mouth breathers continue to watch it allowing for a parade of stupidity to overrun my airways. Even the most educational of television stations have fallen prey to this disease of stupidity.
Starting with Discovery, and their deadliest catch, but I don't mind it. Not because I enjoy the show but it falls under the scope of documentary with Mike Roe narrating the story and filling in the situations with facts. Yes, the show has leaned toward the obvious "drama" but still holds to the, "see what happens when people risk their lives on the frozen sea to yank crab from the mud on the bottom" premise.
But the station that has fallen farthest from grace is History "H". I used to have this station trained on all the time. One could do a brief run through the tripe being peddled on the other stations and find their dials on H and know that they would be educated. Either by how the stuff we have came about with Modern Marvels. Or, you could get the opportunity to get a in depth view of a classic battle from WW2 or some ancient civilization. My personal favorite was the Gunny's Mail Call that told me about obscure weapons used in past and present warfare. You could even find some shows about the Bible and some were even well done showing the historical context of some of the more common known stories.
Now, the stations is held together with Pawn Stars, Ice Road Truckers, not one, not two, but three logging shows, and a show called American Pickers about two junk peddlers digging through hillbilly hoarder's trash piles. How did that become history? How is that educational?

When did the people at the station go:
"Well ladies and gentlemen. We have had a good run with shows with educational value. Yes, I know we have thrown in some weird stuff about Roswell and UFO's in the world wars, but even those obscure shows feature some historical context. But now we are going in a new direction. We are going to make shows that feature nothing educational. In fact most of these shows will rob people of intellect, possibly undoing years of our programmings good work. Why? you may ask. Money. More people want to stay dumb than learn stuff. More people want to watch people bleep cussing out of conversations and react to normal daily situations... Well scripted normal daily situations. I know. I know. It seems like we are selling our soul here, but we can't put all our eggs in that "people who actually like quality educational informative programs to learn new stuff" basket. All in favor?.... I see the I's have it."?

But I'm not here to talk about H's dive to the dark side of reality TV. No, I'm here to point out the ripple effect that crap programming has. As the mind numbing garbage of reality spread to more time slots more and more "stupid" people... Wait why did I use parenthesis for stupid there? I'm not one to try not to offend. If you watch reality TV you like stupid TV. And unfortunately you are part of a demographic of people with sub par scholastic goals. No, I'm not calling you stupid, but if you were to gather with your peers who also enjoy those shows you would call them stupid. If not.. then you are too stupid to know and you probably gave up reading this when you saw the words.
Dang it... back on task. The other shows had to watered down to make the other not crap reality time slots appealing for this demographic of trash eaters. Which I'm sure is how we got the programming gold that was "Ancient Aliens".
This show went about "proving" or "offering" that the greatest achievements of man were in fact the work of aliens. A professor from a college that I was too bored to remember, the moral of the story is this jackass is teaching people for a living, was convinced that the great pyramid was a power plant that turned hydrogen to a focused beam of microwaves that could charge up the batteries of passing mother ships... Just let that sink in for a minute.... An f'n pyramid with no moving parts... made of rock...
The next and what I think was the creme de la creme (or is it crem de la crem... who cares) was the three educated men, doctors, professors who all agreed that he Ancient of Days (AKA GOD) who delivered manna from heaven was in fact a nuclear powered algae refining machine that used water vapor from the morning air to start the process of cultivating and producing a high protean green algae that could sustain an entire nation of people while roaming the desert of the middle east. (turns out NASA lets astronauts eat green algae, and it work as a super food... kind of like soilent green only less peopley) No the ancient Hebrews didn't come up with the machine on their own. Some nice aliens dropped it off for them. Wait there is more. These "experts" also came to the conclusion that the ark of the covenant was probably the nuclear reactor core of the device which is why those who touched it, came close to it, and opened it died. In case the question of "How did an ancient people handle nuclear materials let alone a reactor core?" was the wrench keeping the cogs of this idea from spinning in your mind.

I have come to terms with people trying to use science to explain some of the great mysteries of God's powered chronicled in the old and new testaments. Even though I see this a fools errand because at best they are just describing the "how" not the, "how could that happen at just the right moment?" I also understand that intellectuals are terrified of God because His existence makes them just people, and they must be more important than that.
Sadly, that show went on the air. Which means money was spent to make it. Which means that the idea was pitched to investors. Which means that people with means saw this subject matter as valid and in need of dissemination. Or even worse that these morons received grant money from a government or used university money to produce this.
Why does this crawl in my craw?
Because it makes a mockery of my God?
Because it proves that those who can't teach?
Because I fear my tax dollars made it?
No, because this show was allowed to exists and FIREFLY was canceled. The only way I sleep at night in a world like this is with the knowledge that there is a just and loving God who will right the wrongs of this world... Or beep and whip me up an algae smoothie.

So Endith the rant:

a trip

So beginith the rant:

I recently took a trip to Oklahoma to visit my family. This trip was long over due and I have recently found myself in a position to take a week long jaunt. My visiting of family and friends was great and recharged the batteries, if you will. The only downside, if you consider it a downside, is I chose to drive rather than fly. The drive is 13 to 15 hours depending on the method of driving and traffic, and takes me across 4 states.
On this drive I made one observation, which I will first context with this phrase, "If everyone is supposed to strive to be rich and famous we would have no janitors." I like this phrase. I can't remember where I heard it but I know I didn't come up with it. If I did then I'm pretty awesome, and have come up with a phrase that I often think about.
You see this phrase implies two things.
One, that not everyone will be rich and famous. Which is true. We will not all get fifteen minutes let alone fifteen seconds.
Two, if everyone strove to be rich and famous the jobs on the low end of glamor such as custodial work would be left vacant. Because we all know the best way to get noticed and become rich is to be scrubbing a toilet.
Why is this phrase significant? Why is it in my mind after two 14 hour road trips a week apart?
On my travels I stopped for gas three times coming and three times going. Each in a different area of the states I crossed. When on these short stops I generally like to do some jumping jacks, stretch my legs, and relieve myself. This has allowed me to see a cross section of bathrooms in truck stops. And one thing I can say is "Grrrmnthmmgag" that's my typing of the that dry heave noise we all make when we trigger our gag reflex.
I know that at times the rigors of being a gas station worker can be busy. Every now and then you'll have a rush of people and a line at the register that may even take 20 minutes to clear. I know this because I have worked at a convenience store. But the fowl condition of these restrooms rivaled any privy I may have had to use in the backwoods while camping. In more than one case I could smell the offending water closet before I could see the door. These dank urine soaked hell holes showed days of neglect, and no convenience store is so busy that a person can't find ten minutes to run a mop and broom, maybe even a rag and a cleaner.
The moral of this story is sometime in our society we have made it so stigmatizing to take pride in your job, even if its just a lowly gas station attendant whose responsibility could include the frequent mopping and cleaning of a bathroom, that those who find themselves in that position just provide a warm body to push buttons on a register and get offended if you ask them to print a gas receipt.
I guess what I'm going to wrap up with is this. Too many people just show up to work for their paycheck. They feel because they have graced the place with their presence they are entitled to pay and those paying are lucky that they did. This entitlement mindset keeps people from looking at where they work and thinking, "Wow, I'm lucky to even have a job. What can I do to make this place better and therefore my job better?"
Yes, I connected the filthiness of gas station bathrooms to the decline of the United States work ethic, and they both stink.

So endith the Rant.

Middle

So beginith the rant:

My friend Brett hit on a subject today on his blog that put my wheels a spinning. Our president has scrapped the manned space mission. I remember reading this in a headline a few weeks back, and thinking nothing of it. The focus of my political ire has been environmental policies based on lies and a health care "reform" based on statistics that no single group can agree on.
Now that the killing of the NASA manned space program has been brought to the forefront of my mind I can't help but start drawing conclusions about how this decision will negatively affect our societies future.
For starters my sarcasm will take a big hit. When someone is struggling with some simple task my goading, "Come on, it's not rocket science." will not hold the same weight. Sure there will still be rockets and therefore rocket scientists, but without the idea that mistakes in rocket science resulting in charred spacemen this comment loses intensity... For me anyway.
Next is when a preschool student is asked what he/she wants to be when they grow up the response of spaceman or astronaut will no longer be acceptable. It will be lumped in there with the princesses and wolfman categories possibly pigeonholing potentially intelligent children with unfocused dreamers and mouth-breathers. (by the way I wanted to be wolfman when I grew up)
Finally the cost to the public school systems as a whole will be staggering. You see every single poster that reads, "reach for the stars" or some variation of this must be removed and replaces with "look at the stars" or "shoot stuff at the stars" which I find slightly less motivating.
But really are we shocked at all that our government has found yet another way to "nerf" the childhood dreams and potential of the children of our great nation. I'm sure everyone will get a trophy.
"If you set the bar low, when you miss you have short to fall."
YEAH middle of the road!!

Thus endith the rant:

Good times

So beginith the rant:

Some folks asked me when I moved to Florida 4 years ago if it was better than living in Oklahoma. Today the answer to this question is still the same. I will smile and say, "I can't say living in Florida is better than Oklahoma, but it sure isn't a step down."
Most will laugh it off as me being polite. but today I wish to offer you a comparison about where I live. I live in Santa Rosa Beach FL, my house is on a canal that leads strait to the bay. I am never more than one mile from white sand beaches.
But, living hear I miss out on mingling with the down home folks of Oklahoma. Such as this man trying to barter with law enforcement using a stick as payment... http://www.newson6.com/global/story.asp?s=12108733
Makes me miss home a little, just a little bit.

So endith the rant:

zobies

So beginith the rant:

Went and saw the movie the Crazies last night. As most of you will know I am a bit of a zombie movie fanatic. I'm also a avid reader of THE WALKING DEAD an awesome comic book, which A&E will be making into a series or mini-series in the fall. All in all I would consider myself a subject matter expert in the field of zombies.
So, the Crazies started out the way any film should with a Johnny Cash song, this alone unfairly tilted my opinion of the film toward awesome. But past that it was a pretty mild plot of people becoming crazed killing machines via some type of biological weapon.

Now, I know zombies will probably never overtake the world, but as any red blooded man I have my plans for the zombie apocalypse worked out. Always be prepared, says the Eagle Scout.
Anyway. I find the most frustrating plot device in all zombie films the person who refuses to kill the infected person for some reason, that reason being some emotional attachment. You know they will become a zombie, and therefor a walking biting bio-weapon, but you can't kill them you "wove them". This plot device is supposed to make you struggle with the idea of killing zombie mom or soon to be zombie mom. How many times can you hit that horse?

In this movie the people of the town were rounded up by the military and separated using a simple test into two groups, soon to be crazies and not infected. The soon to be crazies were then put into two groups the already showing symptoms and the not showing symptoms. Those that weren't spitting screaming zombies were then tied down and administered a blood test to make sure they were actually infected.

Now, the movie had an underling theme that became very obvious here. The enemy was not really the Crazies killing people but the military who made the bio-weapon that was spilled and then tried to clean it up by wiping out a majority of a town to avoid the whole world being destroyed, or at best millions of lives being lost.
My question is this... If it were to happen. If a mistake of biblical proportions was made, and the government actually came and cleaned up a mess, with force, would it be right? Is it right for a town of 1,200 be nearly wiped out to save a world of people? Should we demonize the military for making the hard choice?
Had that been the moral of the story I would have left the movie thinking that was a slightly new spin on the could you kill a sick loved one to save the group. But it wasn't.
At the end you find that the military actually exterminated everyone. Even the ones who were not sick... SO, as per usual Hollywood had a pretty good movie idea and a decent plot until the last 10min. At that point they let their hippie friends or a third grader with emotional issues wrap up the story...

Now the movie that started with Johnny Cash ended with the idea that the US military would be willing to separate, test, and quarantine people only to turn around and kill them all. Because that's what our evil military does. Goes through the motions of logic to end up with mindless slaughter.

Because, GOD knows, our military is never actually up to any good. (that was sarcasm)
Stupid hippies (that was a fact).

So endith the rant: