Its Cinnamon

RANT ON:

I am a youth minister. I have been one for ten years. And in this tenure I will admit that I have lead some dumb games and "physical challenges" from puke smoothie, saltine challenge, fuzzy bunny, to a peep eating contest. I have even taken and succeeded at the gallon of milk challenge. 

I was scanning the ol' Yahoo news feed this morning and there was actually a story about the dangers of the cinnamon challenge. Now in case you live under a rock, cannot google, or have not watched a talk show in the last three months let me explain the challenge. You take a spoon full of cinnamon (most commonly a tablespoon) and try to swallow it without the aid of water. 

What I am astonished by is the number of people who were shocked when they had adverse medical effects from forcing an irritating spice ground into powder form into their throat and because of violent gag responses into their lungs. I would take this time to cover that cinnamon itself is harmless when consumed, and that any powder sucked into your lungs can lead to inflammation or even suffocation, but the Yahoo article covered that in detail. 

No, what I want to cover today is why people are doing this potentially deadly challenge. Viral video popularity. Apparently the only reason these morons (from NBA players, actors, even a governor) is to boost their views and to appear more popular. Wow... What a great example to show to the youth of America, or the world. Hey kids, it is really important that people are always looking at you so do stuff to grab as much attention as you can. 

I shouldn't be shocked. Celebrities and the like have used everything from "leaked" nude photos to million dollar weddings lasting less than a month to stretch their 15 minutes a little longer. But really who can blame them? I mean it is our society that feeds this vile creature (and yes I am aware that by even bashing it in rant form I am in a way feeding it..). I just hate the idea that today no famous person is using some kind of positive behavior to stay in the lime light. 

I would be blown away if I saw some failing B list celebrity gain some notoriety for devoting a year to feeding the homeless, tutoring children, working with foster children, or building homes for the less fortunate. But who am I kidding our media would never cover that because our masses of depraved mouth breathers wouldn't be interested... Or would they? I mean those people are only entertained by what they are told is entertaining... Which is a rant for a later date.

RANT OFF:

I weep for the unborn

RANT ON:

It shames me that I know who "Snooki" is... It pains me even more that she has become a role model for young women (I am subbing in a middle school, its just creepy). But what really gets me is that our media (a once trusted bastion for news and facts) finds anything this "low test score" does as news... I heard it not only on three radio stations, but saw it on the crawl on two news website that snooki might be expecting a child... Not only that Yahoo is still running stories about it on its homepage. How is an unwed, poorly spoken, drunk, classless woman getting knocked up news? It's not. 

What should be news is the steady spiral of the average intelligence of our country and culture... Did you know that this year a new president will be elected? Isn't it also an Olympic year? If you care more about snooki getting knocked up than, well anything on the planet you are part of the problem... Seriously these vapid reality tv stars are like Freddy, if no one thinks about them they can't haunt my nightmares. 

RANT OFF:

dance my puppets dance

Rant On:

Seriously… Penguins?

Dennis Leary did some stand up before he was rescuing people on FX… I have always been a fan of his rants and ire towards the collective following blindly ignorance and selling it as intellectualism (all of his stuff is NSFW, vile, vulgar, and 94% accurate). One bit in particular was him blasting those who boycotted tuna fish back in the day.

“Don’t eat the tuna fish…”

“Why?”

“The dolphins they get caught in the nets and die…”

“Really? What about the Tuna?”

He pointed out a very true fact. If it’s cute its protected if its ugly… well its food. You don’t see but a handful of nutbags marching with signs to protect cows… Why? Because cows are ugly, taste good, and we make useful stuff out of them.

My point, is the premise of the first Happy Feet (which I am ashamed to have had to watch... the price you pay for being a children’s minister) was the evil humans trashing up something and killing cute little penguins. From what I’ve read the second one follows suit with more PC garbage mixed into song for children’s brainwashing… Which I’m sure some oil (or big company) will be the evil that our kids will learn to hate and mistrust… because they keep the penguins from dancing…

What about the cows? What about the chickens? They are cute when they are young? Maybe they want to dance? Do we get to see movies about how they are hauled off to slaughter? No… because we eat them, and brainwashing our kids to hate the food industry wouldn’t serve any political agenda… because we all need food. I mean we all need oil and gas too… But those companies are evil. You know because they sometimes kill animals and ruin the environment (and often spend billions cleaning up there messes). I mean farmers and ranchers only help the environment, I mean cows, chickens and pigs don’t pollute ground water, air, or soil…

Oh wait:

http://www.nrdc.org/water/pollution/ffarms.asp

http://science.howstuffworks.com/environmental/life/zoology/mammals/methane-cow.htm

http://www.riverlaw.us/realhogfacts.html

If only livestock didn’t taste good and wasn’t necessary for human existence we could have them dancing showing us how evil farming and ranching was and how many little critters don’t get to be happy and gay dancing the days away… I’m going to drive to get a cheese burger, and eat it smiling…  Seriously… Penguins… again…

Rant Off:

a plot of a movie...

Rant on:

The year 1998 the film The Big Lebowski... A lot of people love the film, and a lot don't like it or understand it. The moral of the story is this. You have two Lebowskis whose lives intersect. The first is a man known as "the Dude" who is only known for abiding. The Dude, is a lovable bum of a man who lives for white Russians, bowling, and some self medication. He has no gainful employment. He contributes nothing to society. He happily lives of the system. He does not hide his nature. He is a shiftless lovable tramp who would never willingly go out of his way to do... well anything. 

The other Lebowski, is an old man who married into money. Who poses as a rich philanthropist, and has a twenty year old trophy wife and a personal assistant (a Smithers to his want to be Monty Burns). As you find out the "Big Lebowski" is a fraud. He is not rich. He is living off the wealth of His deceased wife, and did not work for a single cent he lords over everyone else... You will discover that he is not allowed to manage, invest, or touch any of the money he surrounds himself with. He is given a meager allowance to do as he wishes. 

The basis of the movie is they are both the same people. One just accepts it, and is viewed as the hero. The other poses and is viewed as the villain. Why is this relevant today? 

I bring you to occupy wall street...

You Have a bunch of hipsters, hippies, and mindless drones moaning on about how 1% controls 99% of the wealth and they still get bailed out... Wait... That is something to be a little upset about. But did the hippies focus on the idea that wall street did not write a single check to the people whose money they squandered? Nope. Did the hipsters mention that small businesses were crippled by wall street banks losing their money and recalling their credit, but were not given any of the billions funneled into the banks? Nope. These freaking mouth breathers have the stones to whine about the fact they too are in dept over their head and there is no government bail out for them... 

Wait... What? seriously? A group of people are not outraged that we as a nation have to pick up the tab for poor investing and bad money management, but instead are PO'd because they were not bailed out of their own bad choices and poor money management... 

Don't even get me started when the celebrities try to get in on this... If you feel these idiots need to have their debts paid off Oprah, then write a frigg'n check.  You too Kanye,

Not seeing too many of the celebrities digging into their $4,000 pants fund to bail out a 9 year student of basket weaving, do ya?

"But those evil rich people, they don't deserve a bail out.... We do... Cause we're poor. We uh... Spent all our money on stuff we can't... Uh... Use... or sell... or get rid of... or profit from..." (I hope you read that in your best whiny 8 year old voice)

Occupy wall street was nothing more than a bunch of children raised with the entitlement mentality. We all came to the soccer game... We should all get a trophy... We should all get A's it's only fair... We all should be bailed out for our stupidity its only fair... 

I weep for a nation that doesn't revile this... These people took an opportunity to insist that wall street pay people back, or that the government quit giving them entitlements and crapped all over it. They took something relevant (potentially) and made it about themselves.

The reason great movements in the past have worked is because people were making it NOT ABOUT THEMSELVES BUT ABOUT RIGHTING A WRONG... Wow... I do not applaud pretentiousness, or hypocrisy. So stop filling the streets with you stupidity, get jobs, work off your student loans (What do you mean I can't get a job with a liberal arts degree with a minor in Sanskrit?) or (What do you mean these assets are toxic? What do you mean this money isn't mine? What do you mean we can't fail, it would mean others would take our place... we would have to get real jobs...)

What I would give for someone to stand up and say enough. The government isn't the freaking answer. All that money you are asking for isn't theirs its ours. You are literally taking the money from your neighbor to pay off your debt. Until you kill entitlements (for rich and poor) this cycle will repeat itself, until the few in the middle break.

Rant Off:

Note. I cannot claim to be an expert in this movement. I did go to the website and read about it before they took to the streets. I read interviews from celebrities, and I ignored any media attention given to the event  with the exception of AP. My disdain for the marchers was not influenced by right wing media, it was strait from my brain and my disgust for anyone who feels entitled to something just because its not fair they don't have it... 

Live isn't fair... It rains on the just and unjust alike... Sometimes truth is just hard.

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do you chain hang low

So begins the rant...

Clothes make the man. Well, they say a lot about the man. I like a suit, and I like wearing a suit. Yet, I spend most of my time looking pretty relaxed, t shirt and jeans is standard uniform for me. But I can clean up if I have to. The point is I will probably never be considered best dressed... (my soon to be wife will try though)

I have also heard that people will often dress in the style that reflects the era when they were most confident, especially if they feel stressed or confused... like the guy rocking the members only jacket during his midlife crisis.
What confuses me is the people who still dress in the pants down around there knees, shirt six sizes too big or wife-beater under shirt, hat backwards flat billed. When was that the style? Isn't that a throw back to a prison culture? I understand that certain artists and performers wore this clothing to exemplify a personal growth from a checkered past and toughness that can only be gained from survival on the streets on the fringe of society and becoming influential despite being robbed of self as a convict. So does wearing these clothes not being an artist, say at walmart with your dumpy wife and feral pack of toddlers imply that you would feel more comfortable on the streets dealing drugs or stealing to survive, or in lock up paying off rival gangs with cigarettes to avoid shower rape?
Is a life on an entitlement program with a wife and small children really less appealing than prison? And how can you dress in a way made popular by groups of people who refuse to accept and trust authority (aka the man, government, the police) and still stay on government assistance?
This makes you a poser, and a terribly dressed one... why not attempt to look like someone of wealth and status? Or dress like those artists who achieved success from their craft, dr. Dre wears suits, and jay z, and 50cent... wake up you have kids... you are not a thug, every thug wants to give their kids a better life and stop running the streets, or at least that's what the rap lyrics say...
I guess its way cooler to dream of a step backwards... im going to start dressing like the homeless or like me at 18 (same thing really ).. see you at Walmart, first of the month...

So ends the rant..

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arguing with myself

So beginth the rant:

I don't really care if you are a political person or not... I don't care which side of the debt ceiling argument you lean towards (I'm really guessing that most of you are just tired of career politicians making decisions that effect a private sector they will never be a part of)...

The point I have to make is both sides are broken and wrong... They exist to only stay in power and neither care about you the little guy...

This picture proves that they are actually fighting themselves... 

I mean do all old white guys not look the same to you? I'm not racist, I can say that... I'm white... What does it matter really... Its not racist if you make fun of white people... 

So endith the Rant:

seriously

So beginith the rant:
Last Friday marked a close call (according to which media outlet you feed from). As a shock to no one really our government could not settle over a budget. One side wants to keep throwing money down the black hole of entitlement programs, screaming that those who disagree with them hate (insert you class of protected people here) and want to see them starve, homeless, dead, or... Well you get the idea. The other wants to funnel monies to the gears of the machine allowing constitutes companies the contracts and feeding the industrial machine, and anyone who disagrees with them is guilty of hating jobs and money... The nauseating thing about this is they both plan to do this with tax payer money... But I am not going to touch this debate, no, what I want to look at in our nation's bloated budget was brought to my attention by this headline, "Budget standoff could result in government shutdown." We all know that the whole government would noy shut down, but the "non essential" programs would stop until funding was secured. I read on in the article which listed the agencies that would stop working... It was a long list from contractors to recruiters. The article said for me not to panic because most everyone will go about life noticing no change...
This made me think, and todays continuing argument about the budget cuts being too extreme... Why do we have all these "non essential" programs at all? Why not just cut away some layers of fat and see what happens? To me the term non essential means they probably... Aren't that friggn important... I mean essential to me means you need it like air, water, and innernets the crap that you need to survive...
So why not start by knifing that crap first? Then move to entitlement programs? Then stop writing contracts? I mean when things get tough for me I don't start with the debate of which I need more food or shelter while playing WOW and talking on a smartphone... I guess we have managed to elect a group of representatives who have never had to budget to live... What does that say about our political machine? But what do I know I'm always broke...

So endith the rant.

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that'll learn em

So beginith the rant,

This bit of news has kind of slipped by as less important than Libya, or Japan having a meltdown. It is a small story that often finds its way to the ticker at the bottom of the screen or maybe even a short mention between coverage of the major stories, or at least it had to the point of me writing this little rant.

What story? you ask. Apparently Islamic people are taking to the streets in Afghanistan, Iraq, and I assume other Islamic countries and rioting and killing people... Normally one would just call this a Monday because of the frequent nature of their outbursts of violence over any thing... "What?!? Someone 3 thousand miles away mentioned something about Mohammad's momma... Better kill some people and destroy some more property..." What stirred up the hornets nest of mouth breathing radicals? None other than the pastor here in FL who burned the Koran... The same guy who was asked nicely not to by the frigg'n pentagon. I cannot even begin to speculate how that jackhole thought burning a Koran would be a good idea? (I wrote about it a few rants back if you want to revisit it) I am not going to continue to blast that idiot, we can all agree that upper brain function is a hit miss thing for him... No what I want to do today is ask a question... 

And here it is, "Why, when outraged at the west, do the Islamic people of these middle eastern countries go to their streets and cause mayhem?" Seriously... Why are they punishing their own country, their neighbors, their infrastructure, to protest us? It would be like me being outraged about something happening in the middle east and driving down the road to McDonald's and burning it down, yeah that'll learn em. I could understand a cry for Islamic people in the US to march in the streets, but to going around killing and breaking stuff in your own country over something some idiot pastor who no one even really cares about over here just doesn't make sense... But who am I to judge a people's actions? I heard GE marked a couple billion dollars  in profit last year and has to pay zero taxes... I am going to go out and sledge hammer some stop signs.

So endith the Rant:

show me some skin

So beginith the rant.

MTV...

Seriously, that could be the entire content of this rant. Those three letters. MTV. The other day I found myself watching a jersey shore marathon... With my roommate...(cause, its was just three dudes watching. nothing wrong with that bro. don't judge) I am the kind of person who tries not to judge a book by its cover. I try not to be one of those close minded people who see something they are not into and assume it is garbage. I also am not one of those people who will never try and experience new  things outside of their comfort zone. So, as much as I hate reality TV, and as much as every aspect of the show jersey shore causes a bile reaction in my throat. I watched it. I even laughed a little bit at it. 

The show is basically a bunch of grown children, having arguments over who took whose toy or touched whose cookie.... Like a roided out kindergarten class. If this show is watched by teen or children and they hope and aspire to be like the cast, then this show could cause more damage to a generation then lead paint. But smashing the jersey shore is not the focus of my rant. The show is a retard, and we all know it. No the focus of this rant is about the commercials that were shown during the breaks of this marathon. 

These are the common repeats of advertising:

-Skins, a new show on MTV (more on this later)

-anti stretch-mark cream

-the new season of 16 and pregnant

-college in your pajamas 

What is the demographic here? 

College aged, teens, with stretch marks, who take classes at home. Wait. Knocked up teens. That is the demographic. Really? Wow... (more on this later)

It dawned on me. MTV is a cancer on today's youth. I'm not saying this because I'm old. I used to watch MTV. It had music, Beavis and Butthead, Jackass, and Ren and Stimpy. You also had Matt Pinfield mumbling to rockstars who performed live on his show... (did I just date myself) Heck I still remember having a crush on Kennedy (what can I say chicks with glasses are hot). Moral of the story is at that time MTV was geared to a college aged demographic. 17 to 25 year old group of people. Today it appears that the target market is more in the 13 to 16 year old demographic. Which wouldn't bother me if the programming reflected anything of merit. But no it is still the same idea as it was when I was in high school. Naked pretty people doing stuff that would make their parents cry. Back in the day it was all 20 somethings making poor choices. Stupid, yes, but they were adults and even with their low IQ's they were doing the dumb stuff at an age when it is legal. Today, MTV seems to promote preteens and teens doing the same stupid stuff only at a younger age. So, instead of naked pretty college people, you have naked children... Let that sink in for just one second... naked children? seriously? 

I will now bring back up the new show skins... I have no idea what this show is about. The commercials for the show had two threads. First, was a bunch of, what appeared to be, 14 to 16 year old kids at a house party spraying liquor and whipped cream all over each other while drunk and rubbing around (in slow motion, you know for effect). Second is a flash back scene played in reverse where a young lady (again appears to be barely 16) is white chick wasted tripping over trashcans at the beginning of the clip but by the end you see that when she left the house she told her mom she was off to study... The hell people? Who is this show written for? As an adult there is no way I should want to watch this... They made this movie once called KIDS. It showed the dark side of teens and the crap that happens. But, it also showed the consequences for those actions, kids died. This show is not written to shock people into paying attention to a lost youth of a generation. To me this show just appears to show the youth of America that its cool to do this crap...

So, please help me. Tell me who this show is written for. If you are an adult, you should be creeped out by watching naked teens rub on each other... It would be like finding you little brother or sister making out, and instead of stopping them.. Just you know watching.... So, it can't be written for the college age demographic. Is it written for kids? Do you want a group of teens and preteens watching naked teens make out, get faced drunk, and do drugs? I lost all respect for MTV a long time ago, but damn MTV you are F'd up... Seriously, to shock me with your depravity is actually impressive... Your advertising during the day is geared toward knocked up teens, who got that way making choices your shows promote and say are cool... You are like a perpetual motion machine of awful.  MTV, you stopped being edgy, a long time ago, you're now the 30 something guy at the high school party in your letter jacket. You stopped being about college aged people doing off the wall stuff to get attention and wandered into the dark side of things, kids dude, kids... If MTV was your neighbor, in most states it would have to come to your house and inform you that it was living there and put a sign in its yard...

Thus endith the rant.

mobile test

This is a test of my phone's ability to post a blog. If this works I may be able to vent in realtime... I will now attempt to post a picture from phone as well

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Soccer... A repost from the past

Soccer

So beginth the rant:....

We all know that nobody in the U.S. really likes soccer. But, we are made to think we, and by we I mean all those who will admit how crappy the game is, are wrong because the rest of the world seems to love it. For the most part I've reserved myself to just making fun of the few people I know who come out of the closet and let me know they actually enjoy soccer, and most of those people understand that I'm not going to waiver in my opinion on the subject. Not to mention that my arguments are based on facts, facts are like poison to hippies and soccer fans alike.

But, still to this day I find people who not only enjoy soccer but find the need to explain to me how the rest of the world is right and that I and 89% of the United States is wrong. I will now go about listing my argument against soccer with a few points.

Point one: Kids are not supposed to be sex slaves… Yes, I said sex slaves. What the hell am I talking about? Just do a little google on World Cup Soccer and sex trafficking. You will be shocked at what you will find. The long and short of this fact is apparently rich people who flock to the biggest world soccer event need to indulge in horrible acts of depravity to suppliant the boredom from watching soccer. So, yeah… Soccer leads to sex slavery.

Point two. USA! USA! WE'RE 1 Face it we are. If we were not hundreds of thousands of people would not be flooding our country to live here. But why are we so awesome? Because we are, and even though hippies and liberals will argue that we are not the best place on the planet… We are. For the past 60 plus years we have been the benchmark of civilization. Her is a short list of why we are the best in the world.

-Soccer, we hate it the rest of the world loves it.....

-Democracy, we elect our officials and actually don't have to worry about being killed for our political beliefs. ....

-Freedom of speech, I mean look at the media today they talk crap about everything the government does and none of them are disappeared.....

-Freedom of religion, you don't have to worry about your Baptist neighbors killing you because you are Assembly of God. (isolated cases sure but not tolerated as a way of life)....

-Infrastructure, we have electricity, phone, roads, running water cable television, satellite, and even inner net to just about every corner of our country.....

-Modern medicine, we have hospitals that will cure you of most ailments that are not built out of cinder blocks, with dirt floors, and equipment used in WW2. ....

-Public schools, if you want you can go to school get educated, and will not be turned away because of gender, race, or religion. ....

What is my point. My point is if the greatest country on the planet hates the sport, it’s a crappy sport.

Point three. IQ. That right the average IQ rating of the world is 80, that's five points above retardation. The middle of the road is 100. So doing the math if you are average intelligence (90-100) half of the world is dumber than you. And according to poles most of the world is below the bar. I have included this bell curve diagram to help you out.

What this shows is over half the world is not very bright and therefore more easily amused by people kicking a ball around not scoring and not accomplishing a linier task. The fact the game is non linier is what makes it suck so badly… You are actually punished for moving too quickly down the field to score…

Point four, poverty. True in most countries people don't have much stuff. We fat lazy spoiled Americans are all about stuff. We have cars, TV's, Ipods, computers, and at least three pairs of shoes. In most countries that's not the case because of their lack of infrastructure and economy they don't have luxuries that we have. So when it comes down to the picking of a past time they can't play a sport that requires equipment. For example lets say you wanted to play basketball. You need a ball, flat hard surface, a hoop, and a backboard. Or baseball, you need a stick, ball, bases, and gloves. To play Tennis you need a net, racket, balls, and a mini skirt. To play soccer you need…

And with this I rest my case… Soccer sucks. It is widely played around the world not because it's a great game, but because the rest of the world is too stupid or too poor to do any better.

Thus endith the rant.

You all look the same to me...

So Beginith the Rant:

What does a minister look like? Where in the bible does it share the dress code for a minister? Prophets maybe, ancient priests for sure. But ministers? Nope.
Does business casual exude more of the light of the Spirit vs. a t-shirt and jeans? Or even a pearl snap shirt? Should hair be long or short? Parted or combed back? Shoes should be leather or synthetic? Loafer or laces? Dare I ask if flip flops are even on the table?
Pastors are victims of stereotyping. They are expected to fit a mold that most people believe pastors should look like. A mold that exists due to a false idea of what piety should look like. Sadly most buy into this and fall in step, or are broken down by the masses or fear of losing a job.
Any other group would be lauded for bucking the stereotypes and fighting a close minded view, but not pastors. Most embrace the bent dress code expected of those in their profession and often condemn those who do not as well. Instead of educating the masses on the subject of not all having to look the same, they often allow the masses to dictate what is expected from them.
I’m sure you can connect the thinly veiled dots I’m laying out here with how in every group of stereotyped people there are those, in the group, that claim those who fight against those stereotypes are “not truly, insert group affiliation here.” I know we as educated people often see these poor souls as misguided, and a definite part of the problem. For example, when I am with my friends who are in those heavily stereotyped groups I often hear them say, “Thanks for holding us back.” a comment directed to a person from their group blindly following the stereotype and living up to the generalization, because every person who feeds the stereotype monster makes is stronger.
Now a person, not from the before mentioned stereotyped group, who expresses how someone from said group should dress, act, or appear is immediately branded a small minded racist or bigot. Unless of course that person is referring to a pastor… If that’s the case they make sure that person is on the church board so their contemptuous ramblings can be more affective in keeping the minister in step.
Where am I going with this? Most groups have leaders who fight for the members rights to be individuals. Stating that merits should be the judge of a person worth not their appearance. The cover does not make the book. Why do we as pastors not stand up for this? Why do those who fall into step with the “old school” look down on those who do not? Why do those who refuse have animosity to those who do not? Do you think I know that both of those questions are generalizations not taking into account that not every minister falls into those two camps or schools of thought? Well, crap… Generalizations are just easier to write I guess.

So endith the Rant:

good parenting

So Beginith the Rant:


I found myself watching some cable news today... I try to avoid this when at all possible to avoid having bouts of rage at the perceived stupidity of the nations people as a whole. But today I found myself seeing a story of a man who is facing a $1,000 fine, 1,000 hours of community service, forced to take anger management classes, as well as counseling, and six months probation. What was his crime? Let me first start with posing a thought experiment.

Do you have children? Do you know someone who does? Do you have children you love and consider to be your own? Do any of these children have "special needs"?

Now imagine that one of these children came to you repeatedly to complain about being bullied at school as well as on the school bus because of their physical handicap. (not just name calling we are talking physically abused) What would you do?

I am assuming we would all call the school and report the problem. What would you do if the school took no action? If the child was now afraid to leave the house? What would you do if you saw it happening and got to confront the kids bullying your loved one?

Call me old fashioned but I believe that yelling and threatening them would be acceptable. Hell, if the kids were in their mid teens I would even say an asswhipping would even be justified. Especially if you caught them in the act. I don't see a single person who would look at a parent defending their child (special needs child) in this way as a danger, or a criminal.

Back to the guy mentioned above. The man's daughter with cerebral palsy was being tortured on the school bus. After weeks of the school ignoring his complaints he entered the bus and yelled and cussed out the kids abusing his daughter. (the kids were in middle school)

What kind of world do we live in where this needs to be punished to the full extent of the law? Am I wrong to assume parents cannot protect their children? I do not encourage use of violence, but if any time is it justified here ya go... If you were a bully and a pissed off dad came at you beating you to a pulp because he caught you slapping his daughter (special needs daughter... as if her being a girl wasn't good enough reason) do you think you would hit her again?
I guess I'm just barbaric in my thinking...

So Endith the Rant

Not so happy meal...

So Beginith the Rant:

I wasn't old enough to remember getting any kind of "toy" in a cracker jack box. When I was a kid only thing inside there were stickers and or baseball card. I do remember when cool toys came in cereal boxes... Even though my family was the feed the kids sticks and twig cereal rather than the fun stuff... Whole other rant there.

What I can remember when I was a kid was the McDonald's Happy Meal. I remember getting anything from matchbox/hotwheel cars to lego kits. I know I had the opportunity to eat more than a few of the meals as a kid especially on the road trip to Snyder to visit grandparents. Now today I read a story that people in California (focused around San Francisco, stupid libbies and their stupidness) are trying to pass a law banning toys in happy meals because, and get this, they think it is a leading cause of childhood obesity.

I am a founding member of the not yet organized group T.A.C.O. (taskforce against childhood obesity)which will advocate shame and reticule to make obese kids stop being fat. Remember when it wasn't okay to be the kid who could run across the playground? Or the kid too out of shape and soft to dodge a ball? Or got winded eating a sandwich? (again... There is a small percentage of people who can't help being fat, but that condition is rare. Also being a large kid isn't bad either. Obese is obese, fat is fat. Fat kids can function and often make great linemen) It was this shame and focus on physical activities that kept the shadow of obese children from darkening the playgrounds of my youth... I find it strange that lawsuits are being brought against fast food chains, when last I checked children can't drive, don't have access to credit, and often get lost or runover when allowed to treck out unsupervised... so with the exception of the independently wealthy kids with cars... adults, more to the point, parents of these kids are buying this good and allowing their kids to eat it and not be active. The first order of business for TACO will be to file suit against any parent of an obese child who cannot prove a medical reason for its fattness. Yes, I will have fries with that... make it a large. So endith the rant

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hhonestly oshifer

So beginith the rant:

I have, on occasion, been pulled over. I would like think I handle the situation like a professional. I give respect, I try to be patient, and I generally don't let my mouth start running with the filter off (most of the time).
Part of my daily ritual is to check my email. When I go to the Yahoo I like to run through the news stories on the ticker. One of their advice columns was about what not to say when pulled over. Unfortunately it wasn't all that specific, and read more like a "don't break a traffic law" how to guide.
So to supplement where I found this article lacking I will now make a lists of things NOT to say to an officer when pulled over.
First: Do not respond to the question "Do you know why I stopped you?" with: Because you're lonely; You thought I was cute; You needed a hug; You needed an excuse to use the siren; I woke you up; you wanted to arm wrestle...
-Do not ask to see their gun
-Do not say "hey your fly is open"... then laugh "haha sucker"
-Do not ask to wear their hat
-Don't say "here hold my beer"
-Do not use the words dead or hooker... at all.
-I'm on a mission from God doesn't work... See also blues brothers
-They do not like to be complimented on their mustaches
-Never ask a female cop to handcuff you... This will end badly
-Never ask if they can hear something kicking around in the trunk.
-they will not give you night vision to drive home with no headlights... they will just tow your car for being unsafe.
-When asked why were you speeding do not say... I CAN'T DRIVE 55 (in your best metal scream); because if you aint winning you're losing; my meth is getting cold; I don't wanna miss the first part of Idol; Cause I have to poop; my car is like a jetski and it will only turn if I accelerate; there is a killer after me; why is everyone else driving so slow?

This should help keep you guys out of trouble. You're welcome.

So endith the Rant:

don't poke a badger with a spoon

So beginith the rant:


I love FL. "Why?" you ask. Well all the great crazies come from here. The guy who started a church in Miami on the grounds he believed he was the anti-Christ, Scientology, and the dove of freedom church in Gainsville. This church popped up on my radar about a week ago when it was dinged in a local paper with its facebook campaign to burn a pile of Koran's on 9/11. Then the press machine got a hold of it and it made the yahoo main page.

What makes me smile deep down inside my soul is that other Christians, in fact most Christians, see this as a bad idea, and will not make one excuse for this type of douche move. I have seen pastors and church's go from pray for them to see how this is not Christ like to outright outrage and challenging whether or not they are actually a "Christian" church seeing how that whole love and respect aspect seems to have fallen out of their bibles.

But I'm not here to further condemn them for this exercise in jackassery. Nope, I'm going to turn the tables to our friends in the Islamic world. "What? Isn't this like blaming the victim in a rape case?"... NO. It's not like that. Just bare with me for a second.

When the military strategist for our war on terror, wait "over seas contiguity" states that this action of a troglodyte pastor and his cohorts will be used by extremest as a rallying tool to kill more people, troops, and cute cuddly things. I started to take a look at it from another angle. Which is, "Why do we tolerate these religious jackasses killing people in the name of Islam?" I have asked this a million times before.

But seriously look at this situation. This goober wants to burn some books he believes are evil and turns people into baby killing psychos and we (by we I mean a nation, a culture, and Christians) will throw him under the bus because he is a jackhole... We are not hated for this. No one looks at those of us in the Christian community that speak out against those who do bad things in the name of our faith. We are not hated for denouncing the ranks of those who protest military funerals or throw rocks at abortion clinics. I have no problems apologizing for those idiots, they are like a friend who is cool until they get smashed at a party and then you have to explain to everyone that you don't condone that type of behavior.
"Yes, technically they are Christian, but they are not doing it right. In fact they are making big mistakes. We should pray for them, and learn not to be like them"
"Yes, he's my buddy. Sorry he's normally really cool. But now I know he can't come and hang out with us anymore until he learns to know when to say when."

Yet, and this is a big yet. If someone today speaks out against those mouth breathing woman hating, baby killing knuckle draggers in the mideast you are branded as an "Islamaphobe". We are told that we should watch what we say and do as to not stir up the aholes over there and cause more problems... That is just not right. I shouldn't have to censor myself to keep backward evil people happy... No one should.

Don't get me wrong. Pastor "burny book" is doing it wrong. (when has a book burning ever been a good idea?) But,why isn't someone outraged and appalled by the fact that there is a group of people who will kill people just because they happen to have the same skin color or nationality as those who came up with that idea? Where is the lines of people marching in our streets protesting the religious practices of these people? Oh wait... we had those? Really? I thought those were just racist rallies of idiots who hate black people and other cultures. But what do I know I like tea. (that is another rant for another day)

So Endith the Rant:

a car is a vehicle

So beginith the rant:

Let me paint you a picture... Close your eyes (wait, you couldn't read if you did that, crap you couldn't read this if you had already done that) F'n let's start over.

Let me set the stage... Call in someone who knows how to read. Have them read this to you while you close your eyes and visualize the situation. (see how I fixed that.. man I'm awesome)
Okay, It's summer. It's three in the afternoon. You are in a dark colored shirt, jeans, and work boots. Wind none. Humidity 80%. You are in the parking lot surrounded by a sea of black asphalt which is radiating heat like the surface of the sun. A person walks up to you and you gaze upon them, thinking wow someone else can share the hell that is this moist microwave of despair. You both stand and sweat in the heat. The person forces a smile and goes to speak. Surely something they will say will help you deal with the torture that you currently endure. But instead of a quip about life or even a pithy "at least it aint raining" you get a, "man it's hot out here." Now in your head did you turn white with rage and bludgeon the person to death with their shoes? (I know you can't do it in real life, but remember that was an exercise in pretend. We all know that sometimes the pretend world gets out of hand)
I mention this little thought experiment to illustrate a point about things people say just to make noises in social situation. Because what they say could remain unsaid and saying them only removes the impression of intelligence from them.
I will now bring to light a phrase that, if uttered to me, will quickly be met with verbal consequences. Such as, "you're and idiot." or "that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard." or "not speaking is something you should invest in." or "I know in your head you think you're deep, but to ants mud puddles are the F'n ocean."
"What is this phrase?" you ask. Here it comes, "It is what it is." You have just read the dumbest thing to ever be said in this history of dumb things said. (if Paris Hilton were to speak this aloud it could cause a black hole of stupid large enough to swallow half the U.S. population)
Why does this make the top of my list? In the past few months of my life I have experienced some extreme life changing events. (Ranging from a marriage ending to changing of career direction)
The people who are close to me surrounded me with love and great advice. Even spoke words of wisdom that have helped me pick the pieces of my life up and start to rebuild a better mousetrap out of them. But some people... Some people... Who are not well "good" at dealing with tough stuff. (which is most people) will hear about what has happened to me and throw out the gem of "It is what it is..." Which I ignored at first but by now cannot help but boil over with ire when I hear it. In fact, if I hear it said to someone else for any reason I make it a point to ensure the person who said knows they are mentally defective.
Now lets look closely at the stupidity of this phrase. "It is what It is." It violates the law of defining a word by using the word in the definition. (See also Lucky Number Sleven) It is a self canceling phrase that means nothing. Because something is, it is. That doesn't need to be said. It's just how the f'n universe works (unless you buy into some far ranging philosophy on the subject... that is a rant for another day) Seriously, if you have ever said this phrase, don't do it again. A little bit of your soul, brain, and relevance dies every time you say it. Not to mention who ever you said it to doesn't think you're deep they think you lick windows. But it is what it is.

So endith the Rant.

conspiracy... maybe

So beginith the rant:

I do not hate anyone, and I'm not the kind of person to hate a group of people. I also don't really dig making fun of someone about something they can't help. For example if you are in a wheelchair or blind you can't really help that. Even if you weren't born that way, but rather a stupid life choice left you that way being blind or crippled is really enough. No need for me to add insult to injury.

I want to say that this rant is not making fun of fat people. I don't want that to be what you draw from this, but Some of the things I say could be taken wrong for that I apologize in advance.


I am 6'2" 200lbs of dude I have a 34" waist, a 34" inseam and a 44" chest. I'm not gigantic but I'm not small ether I am above average in size for a male. In fact I am best described as "deceptively large". Keep this in mind as I explain my conspiracy theory.


My theory is this:
Someone in the TSA or FAA as a cruel joke has placed me on some type of list that ensures that if I buy a plane ticket with a seat that does not sit alone the seat adjoining mine must be occupied by an obese person. In my years of flying with the exception of the times when I didn't travel alone I have never had the pleasure of not sharing a row with a fat person.

I would literally be shocked to the point of awe if on my next flight an attractive slim lady were to sit in the seat next to me... As nice as that would be I would be equally shocked if a skinny anything were to sit next to me, male or female attractive or ugly. I so hat leaning while a stationary arm rest causes internal bleeding to my; kidneys I would gladly welcome a woman with a screaming child over a two seat sized ass crammed into a single coach seat. In my flight career I have had neighbors in the seat next to me on numerous occasions request that extension to the seat belt, seriously you need to reconsider life if you have to add length to a seat belt on an airplane (it's called lapband look it up)


Of course the few times I fly southwest it is the people's choice who they sit next to and because I'm not small most people opt for a short person rather than a lanky white dude which means as the flight fills up I get the bottom of the barrel folks which often fit the parameters of the fatties mentioned above. But this does not count as the choice is theirs not some hateful algorithm in a computer designed to make sure my reward for buying a plane ticket is spinal curvature by the time I land.

I will post again after my flight home next Wednesday to see if my conspiracy theory holds water.

So endith the rant.. for now.


**UPDATE**

Today on my flight from OKC to Memphis I was surprised to see a slim gentleman in his mid 50's as my seatmate. After I checked my ticket twice I sat down and settled in. I was starting to tear up as I looked at him. It was obvious that he was confused and nervous (if a big creepy white dude was staring at you tearing up you's be putt off too). I wanted to assure the guy that they were tears of joy so I tried to hug him. Which was slightly awkward because of the seat belts. This began to panic him further so I used words to communicate. I told him about my luck with seatmates and my theory on the conspiracy. He laughed. I laughed. Then a young lady with a screaming child settled right across the isle from me.
It was at this time I realized that there was a higher power that was torturing me through my seating... Go back and read the post. What did I say I would prefer instead of another obese person? What did I get?
Whoever it is they read my rants... Which is frightening, nobody should wield that much power and still stoop to read my garbage. They are not stable.
I suggest you all sleep with you doors locked tight. I know I am.

here's to you

I salute you, Local who refuses to pay cover or wait in line or follow the rules of an establishment because you happen to live in the area.
Thanks, your poor attitude and entitlement mentality makes enforcing the rules even more difficult for the rest of us.
I appreciate how you are filled with rage by having to be like the normal people who have taken time off their busy schedule to vacation in your area, which provides you with the money to enjoy the little things like, food and shelter.
So today, I give you a long lingering high five oh master of the gripe. Smile and pat yourself on the back as you complain out of a five dollar cover that goes to pay the band, and stay classy.