Soccer... A repost from the past

Soccer

So beginth the rant:....

We all know that nobody in the U.S. really likes soccer. But, we are made to think we, and by we I mean all those who will admit how crappy the game is, are wrong because the rest of the world seems to love it. For the most part I've reserved myself to just making fun of the few people I know who come out of the closet and let me know they actually enjoy soccer, and most of those people understand that I'm not going to waiver in my opinion on the subject. Not to mention that my arguments are based on facts, facts are like poison to hippies and soccer fans alike.

But, still to this day I find people who not only enjoy soccer but find the need to explain to me how the rest of the world is right and that I and 89% of the United States is wrong. I will now go about listing my argument against soccer with a few points.

Point one: Kids are not supposed to be sex slaves… Yes, I said sex slaves. What the hell am I talking about? Just do a little google on World Cup Soccer and sex trafficking. You will be shocked at what you will find. The long and short of this fact is apparently rich people who flock to the biggest world soccer event need to indulge in horrible acts of depravity to suppliant the boredom from watching soccer. So, yeah… Soccer leads to sex slavery.

Point two. USA! USA! WE'RE 1 Face it we are. If we were not hundreds of thousands of people would not be flooding our country to live here. But why are we so awesome? Because we are, and even though hippies and liberals will argue that we are not the best place on the planet… We are. For the past 60 plus years we have been the benchmark of civilization. Her is a short list of why we are the best in the world.

-Soccer, we hate it the rest of the world loves it.....

-Democracy, we elect our officials and actually don't have to worry about being killed for our political beliefs. ....

-Freedom of speech, I mean look at the media today they talk crap about everything the government does and none of them are disappeared.....

-Freedom of religion, you don't have to worry about your Baptist neighbors killing you because you are Assembly of God. (isolated cases sure but not tolerated as a way of life)....

-Infrastructure, we have electricity, phone, roads, running water cable television, satellite, and even inner net to just about every corner of our country.....

-Modern medicine, we have hospitals that will cure you of most ailments that are not built out of cinder blocks, with dirt floors, and equipment used in WW2. ....

-Public schools, if you want you can go to school get educated, and will not be turned away because of gender, race, or religion. ....

What is my point. My point is if the greatest country on the planet hates the sport, it’s a crappy sport.

Point three. IQ. That right the average IQ rating of the world is 80, that's five points above retardation. The middle of the road is 100. So doing the math if you are average intelligence (90-100) half of the world is dumber than you. And according to poles most of the world is below the bar. I have included this bell curve diagram to help you out.

What this shows is over half the world is not very bright and therefore more easily amused by people kicking a ball around not scoring and not accomplishing a linier task. The fact the game is non linier is what makes it suck so badly… You are actually punished for moving too quickly down the field to score…

Point four, poverty. True in most countries people don't have much stuff. We fat lazy spoiled Americans are all about stuff. We have cars, TV's, Ipods, computers, and at least three pairs of shoes. In most countries that's not the case because of their lack of infrastructure and economy they don't have luxuries that we have. So when it comes down to the picking of a past time they can't play a sport that requires equipment. For example lets say you wanted to play basketball. You need a ball, flat hard surface, a hoop, and a backboard. Or baseball, you need a stick, ball, bases, and gloves. To play Tennis you need a net, racket, balls, and a mini skirt. To play soccer you need…

And with this I rest my case… Soccer sucks. It is widely played around the world not because it's a great game, but because the rest of the world is too stupid or too poor to do any better.

Thus endith the rant.