So beginith the rant:
I love FL. "Why?" you ask. Well all the great crazies come from here. The guy who started a church in Miami on the grounds he believed he was the anti-Christ, Scientology, and the dove of freedom church in Gainsville. This church popped up on my radar about a week ago when it was dinged in a local paper with its facebook campaign to burn a pile of Koran's on 9/11. Then the press machine got a hold of it and it made the yahoo main page.
What makes me smile deep down inside my soul is that other Christians, in fact most Christians, see this as a bad idea, and will not make one excuse for this type of douche move. I have seen pastors and church's go from pray for them to see how this is not Christ like to outright outrage and challenging whether or not they are actually a "Christian" church seeing how that whole love and respect aspect seems to have fallen out of their bibles.
But I'm not here to further condemn them for this exercise in jackassery. Nope, I'm going to turn the tables to our friends in the Islamic world. "What? Isn't this like blaming the victim in a rape case?"... NO. It's not like that. Just bare with me for a second.
When the military strategist for our war on terror, wait "over seas contiguity" states that this action of a troglodyte pastor and his cohorts will be used by extremest as a rallying tool to kill more people, troops, and cute cuddly things. I started to take a look at it from another angle. Which is, "Why do we tolerate these religious jackasses killing people in the name of Islam?" I have asked this a million times before.
But seriously look at this situation. This goober wants to burn some books he believes are evil and turns people into baby killing psychos and we (by we I mean a nation, a culture, and Christians) will throw him under the bus because he is a jackhole... We are not hated for this. No one looks at those of us in the Christian community that speak out against those who do bad things in the name of our faith. We are not hated for denouncing the ranks of those who protest military funerals or throw rocks at abortion clinics. I have no problems apologizing for those idiots, they are like a friend who is cool until they get smashed at a party and then you have to explain to everyone that you don't condone that type of behavior.
"Yes, technically they are Christian, but they are not doing it right. In fact they are making big mistakes. We should pray for them, and learn not to be like them"
"Yes, he's my buddy. Sorry he's normally really cool. But now I know he can't come and hang out with us anymore until he learns to know when to say when."
Yet, and this is a big yet. If someone today speaks out against those mouth breathing woman hating, baby killing knuckle draggers in the mideast you are branded as an "Islamaphobe". We are told that we should watch what we say and do as to not stir up the aholes over there and cause more problems... That is just not right. I shouldn't have to censor myself to keep backward evil people happy... No one should.
Don't get me wrong. Pastor "burny book" is doing it wrong. (when has a book burning ever been a good idea?) But,why isn't someone outraged and appalled by the fact that there is a group of people who will kill people just because they happen to have the same skin color or nationality as those who came up with that idea? Where is the lines of people marching in our streets protesting the religious practices of these people? Oh wait... we had those? Really? I thought those were just racist rallies of idiots who hate black people and other cultures. But what do I know I like tea. (that is another rant for another day)
So Endith the Rant:
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
a car is a vehicle
So beginith the rant:
Let me paint you a picture... Close your eyes (wait, you couldn't read if you did that, crap you couldn't read this if you had already done that) F'n let's start over.
Let me set the stage... Call in someone who knows how to read. Have them read this to you while you close your eyes and visualize the situation. (see how I fixed that.. man I'm awesome)
Okay, It's summer. It's three in the afternoon. You are in a dark colored shirt, jeans, and work boots. Wind none. Humidity 80%. You are in the parking lot surrounded by a sea of black asphalt which is radiating heat like the surface of the sun. A person walks up to you and you gaze upon them, thinking wow someone else can share the hell that is this moist microwave of despair. You both stand and sweat in the heat. The person forces a smile and goes to speak. Surely something they will say will help you deal with the torture that you currently endure. But instead of a quip about life or even a pithy "at least it aint raining" you get a, "man it's hot out here." Now in your head did you turn white with rage and bludgeon the person to death with their shoes? (I know you can't do it in real life, but remember that was an exercise in pretend. We all know that sometimes the pretend world gets out of hand)
I mention this little thought experiment to illustrate a point about things people say just to make noises in social situation. Because what they say could remain unsaid and saying them only removes the impression of intelligence from them.
I will now bring to light a phrase that, if uttered to me, will quickly be met with verbal consequences. Such as, "you're and idiot." or "that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard." or "not speaking is something you should invest in." or "I know in your head you think you're deep, but to ants mud puddles are the F'n ocean."
"What is this phrase?" you ask. Here it comes, "It is what it is." You have just read the dumbest thing to ever be said in this history of dumb things said. (if Paris Hilton were to speak this aloud it could cause a black hole of stupid large enough to swallow half the U.S. population)
Why does this make the top of my list? In the past few months of my life I have experienced some extreme life changing events. (Ranging from a marriage ending to changing of career direction)
The people who are close to me surrounded me with love and great advice. Even spoke words of wisdom that have helped me pick the pieces of my life up and start to rebuild a better mousetrap out of them. But some people... Some people... Who are not well "good" at dealing with tough stuff. (which is most people) will hear about what has happened to me and throw out the gem of "It is what it is..." Which I ignored at first but by now cannot help but boil over with ire when I hear it. In fact, if I hear it said to someone else for any reason I make it a point to ensure the person who said knows they are mentally defective.
Now lets look closely at the stupidity of this phrase. "It is what It is." It violates the law of defining a word by using the word in the definition. (See also Lucky Number Sleven) It is a self canceling phrase that means nothing. Because something is, it is. That doesn't need to be said. It's just how the f'n universe works (unless you buy into some far ranging philosophy on the subject... that is a rant for another day) Seriously, if you have ever said this phrase, don't do it again. A little bit of your soul, brain, and relevance dies every time you say it. Not to mention who ever you said it to doesn't think you're deep they think you lick windows. But it is what it is.
So endith the Rant.
Let me paint you a picture... Close your eyes (wait, you couldn't read if you did that, crap you couldn't read this if you had already done that) F'n let's start over.
Let me set the stage... Call in someone who knows how to read. Have them read this to you while you close your eyes and visualize the situation. (see how I fixed that.. man I'm awesome)
Okay, It's summer. It's three in the afternoon. You are in a dark colored shirt, jeans, and work boots. Wind none. Humidity 80%. You are in the parking lot surrounded by a sea of black asphalt which is radiating heat like the surface of the sun. A person walks up to you and you gaze upon them, thinking wow someone else can share the hell that is this moist microwave of despair. You both stand and sweat in the heat. The person forces a smile and goes to speak. Surely something they will say will help you deal with the torture that you currently endure. But instead of a quip about life or even a pithy "at least it aint raining" you get a, "man it's hot out here." Now in your head did you turn white with rage and bludgeon the person to death with their shoes? (I know you can't do it in real life, but remember that was an exercise in pretend. We all know that sometimes the pretend world gets out of hand)
I mention this little thought experiment to illustrate a point about things people say just to make noises in social situation. Because what they say could remain unsaid and saying them only removes the impression of intelligence from them.
I will now bring to light a phrase that, if uttered to me, will quickly be met with verbal consequences. Such as, "you're and idiot." or "that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard." or "not speaking is something you should invest in." or "I know in your head you think you're deep, but to ants mud puddles are the F'n ocean."
"What is this phrase?" you ask. Here it comes, "It is what it is." You have just read the dumbest thing to ever be said in this history of dumb things said. (if Paris Hilton were to speak this aloud it could cause a black hole of stupid large enough to swallow half the U.S. population)
Why does this make the top of my list? In the past few months of my life I have experienced some extreme life changing events. (Ranging from a marriage ending to changing of career direction)
The people who are close to me surrounded me with love and great advice. Even spoke words of wisdom that have helped me pick the pieces of my life up and start to rebuild a better mousetrap out of them. But some people... Some people... Who are not well "good" at dealing with tough stuff. (which is most people) will hear about what has happened to me and throw out the gem of "It is what it is..." Which I ignored at first but by now cannot help but boil over with ire when I hear it. In fact, if I hear it said to someone else for any reason I make it a point to ensure the person who said knows they are mentally defective.
Now lets look closely at the stupidity of this phrase. "It is what It is." It violates the law of defining a word by using the word in the definition. (See also Lucky Number Sleven) It is a self canceling phrase that means nothing. Because something is, it is. That doesn't need to be said. It's just how the f'n universe works (unless you buy into some far ranging philosophy on the subject... that is a rant for another day) Seriously, if you have ever said this phrase, don't do it again. A little bit of your soul, brain, and relevance dies every time you say it. Not to mention who ever you said it to doesn't think you're deep they think you lick windows. But it is what it is.
So endith the Rant.
Friday, August 6, 2010
conspiracy... maybe
So beginith the rant:
I do not hate anyone, and I'm not the kind of person to hate a group of people. I also don't really dig making fun of someone about something they can't help. For example if you are in a wheelchair or blind you can't really help that. Even if you weren't born that way, but rather a stupid life choice left you that way being blind or crippled is really enough. No need for me to add insult to injury.
I want to say that this rant is not making fun of fat people. I don't want that to be what you draw from this, but Some of the things I say could be taken wrong for that I apologize in advance.
I am 6'2" 200lbs of dude I have a 34" waist, a 34" inseam and a 44" chest. I'm not gigantic but I'm not small ether I am above average in size for a male. In fact I am best described as "deceptively large". Keep this in mind as I explain my conspiracy theory.
My theory is this:
Someone in the TSA or FAA as a cruel joke has placed me on some type of list that ensures that if I buy a plane ticket with a seat that does not sit alone the seat adjoining mine must be occupied by an obese person. In my years of flying with the exception of the times when I didn't travel alone I have never had the pleasure of not sharing a row with a fat person.
I would literally be shocked to the point of awe if on my next flight an attractive slim lady were to sit in the seat next to me... As nice as that would be I would be equally shocked if a skinny anything were to sit next to me, male or female attractive or ugly. I so hat leaning while a stationary arm rest causes internal bleeding to my; kidneys I would gladly welcome a woman with a screaming child over a two seat sized ass crammed into a single coach seat. In my flight career I have had neighbors in the seat next to me on numerous occasions request that extension to the seat belt, seriously you need to reconsider life if you have to add length to a seat belt on an airplane (it's called lapband look it up)
Of course the few times I fly southwest it is the people's choice who they sit next to and because I'm not small most people opt for a short person rather than a lanky white dude which means as the flight fills up I get the bottom of the barrel folks which often fit the parameters of the fatties mentioned above. But this does not count as the choice is theirs not some hateful algorithm in a computer designed to make sure my reward for buying a plane ticket is spinal curvature by the time I land.
I will post again after my flight home next Wednesday to see if my conspiracy theory holds water.
So endith the rant.. for now.
**UPDATE**
Today on my flight from OKC to Memphis I was surprised to see a slim gentleman in his mid 50's as my seatmate. After I checked my ticket twice I sat down and settled in. I was starting to tear up as I looked at him. It was obvious that he was confused and nervous (if a big creepy white dude was staring at you tearing up you's be putt off too). I wanted to assure the guy that they were tears of joy so I tried to hug him. Which was slightly awkward because of the seat belts. This began to panic him further so I used words to communicate. I told him about my luck with seatmates and my theory on the conspiracy. He laughed. I laughed. Then a young lady with a screaming child settled right across the isle from me.
It was at this time I realized that there was a higher power that was torturing me through my seating... Go back and read the post. What did I say I would prefer instead of another obese person? What did I get?
Whoever it is they read my rants... Which is frightening, nobody should wield that much power and still stoop to read my garbage. They are not stable.
I suggest you all sleep with you doors locked tight. I know I am.
I do not hate anyone, and I'm not the kind of person to hate a group of people. I also don't really dig making fun of someone about something they can't help. For example if you are in a wheelchair or blind you can't really help that. Even if you weren't born that way, but rather a stupid life choice left you that way being blind or crippled is really enough. No need for me to add insult to injury.
I want to say that this rant is not making fun of fat people. I don't want that to be what you draw from this, but Some of the things I say could be taken wrong for that I apologize in advance.
I am 6'2" 200lbs of dude I have a 34" waist, a 34" inseam and a 44" chest. I'm not gigantic but I'm not small ether I am above average in size for a male. In fact I am best described as "deceptively large". Keep this in mind as I explain my conspiracy theory.
My theory is this:
Someone in the TSA or FAA as a cruel joke has placed me on some type of list that ensures that if I buy a plane ticket with a seat that does not sit alone the seat adjoining mine must be occupied by an obese person. In my years of flying with the exception of the times when I didn't travel alone I have never had the pleasure of not sharing a row with a fat person.
I would literally be shocked to the point of awe if on my next flight an attractive slim lady were to sit in the seat next to me... As nice as that would be I would be equally shocked if a skinny anything were to sit next to me, male or female attractive or ugly. I so hat leaning while a stationary arm rest causes internal bleeding to my; kidneys I would gladly welcome a woman with a screaming child over a two seat sized ass crammed into a single coach seat. In my flight career I have had neighbors in the seat next to me on numerous occasions request that extension to the seat belt, seriously you need to reconsider life if you have to add length to a seat belt on an airplane (it's called lapband look it up)
Of course the few times I fly southwest it is the people's choice who they sit next to and because I'm not small most people opt for a short person rather than a lanky white dude which means as the flight fills up I get the bottom of the barrel folks which often fit the parameters of the fatties mentioned above. But this does not count as the choice is theirs not some hateful algorithm in a computer designed to make sure my reward for buying a plane ticket is spinal curvature by the time I land.
I will post again after my flight home next Wednesday to see if my conspiracy theory holds water.
So endith the rant.. for now.
**UPDATE**
Today on my flight from OKC to Memphis I was surprised to see a slim gentleman in his mid 50's as my seatmate. After I checked my ticket twice I sat down and settled in. I was starting to tear up as I looked at him. It was obvious that he was confused and nervous (if a big creepy white dude was staring at you tearing up you's be putt off too). I wanted to assure the guy that they were tears of joy so I tried to hug him. Which was slightly awkward because of the seat belts. This began to panic him further so I used words to communicate. I told him about my luck with seatmates and my theory on the conspiracy. He laughed. I laughed. Then a young lady with a screaming child settled right across the isle from me.
It was at this time I realized that there was a higher power that was torturing me through my seating... Go back and read the post. What did I say I would prefer instead of another obese person? What did I get?
Whoever it is they read my rants... Which is frightening, nobody should wield that much power and still stoop to read my garbage. They are not stable.
I suggest you all sleep with you doors locked tight. I know I am.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
here's to you
I salute you, Local who refuses to pay cover or wait in line or follow the rules of an establishment because you happen to live in the area.
Thanks, your poor attitude and entitlement mentality makes enforcing the rules even more difficult for the rest of us.
I appreciate how you are filled with rage by having to be like the normal people who have taken time off their busy schedule to vacation in your area, which provides you with the money to enjoy the little things like, food and shelter.
So today, I give you a long lingering high five oh master of the gripe. Smile and pat yourself on the back as you complain out of a five dollar cover that goes to pay the band, and stay classy.
Thanks, your poor attitude and entitlement mentality makes enforcing the rules even more difficult for the rest of us.
I appreciate how you are filled with rage by having to be like the normal people who have taken time off their busy schedule to vacation in your area, which provides you with the money to enjoy the little things like, food and shelter.
So today, I give you a long lingering high five oh master of the gripe. Smile and pat yourself on the back as you complain out of a five dollar cover that goes to pay the band, and stay classy.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
back
So beginith the rant:
This rant will be short.
And by most standards not even that "ranty".
I have found myself in a position in life where a "normal" person would have much to blindly rant and rage about.
But I refuse to air my laundry in detail on the inner-webs for a few reasons.
1. I prefer to use short cryptic messages on public forums so that people who know me will get it and the rest of the masses will just skim on by.
2. I don't think that anyone really wants to hear about my problems in detail anyway. I mean I rant on here because I know three people read it, and therefor want them to continue.
3. Principle. Yup, I have a distaste for the people who publicly throw around sensitive personal matters that can have a ripple effect on those around them.
5. I am anti-drama. Why would I feed someone's addiction? It would be like an avid anti drug user selling crack.
Moral of this little story. I have lots to rant about, and none of it will be about "that stuff".
So endith the Rant:
This rant will be short.
And by most standards not even that "ranty".
I have found myself in a position in life where a "normal" person would have much to blindly rant and rage about.
But I refuse to air my laundry in detail on the inner-webs for a few reasons.
1. I prefer to use short cryptic messages on public forums so that people who know me will get it and the rest of the masses will just skim on by.
2. I don't think that anyone really wants to hear about my problems in detail anyway. I mean I rant on here because I know three people read it, and therefor want them to continue.
3. Principle. Yup, I have a distaste for the people who publicly throw around sensitive personal matters that can have a ripple effect on those around them.
5. I am anti-drama. Why would I feed someone's addiction? It would be like an avid anti drug user selling crack.
Moral of this little story. I have lots to rant about, and none of it will be about "that stuff".
So endith the Rant:
Saturday, June 5, 2010
i saw the light
So beginith the rant:
I live in the sunshine state, but unlike what the name suggests there are times when the sun doesn't actually shine. Like at night or during heavy rain. During these rare moments of sunlessness people in the FL find that driving will require the use of headlights.
Headlights are important they allow you to see obstacles in you way like deer, dogs, and unsupervised children. Headlights also allow you to be seen by other motorists which keeps you from trying to make a real life Voltron. Headlights are not the source of my ire here today. You see when you have a headlight out you generally replace it quickly seeing how you need then to see at night.
No, I have found an annoyance that fills me with indignant rage, which is easy to do when I'm driving especially if I'm driving in FL during a rainstorm. (I have road rage issues) When driving home from work the other afternoon during a particularly heavy rain shower I was stuck behind a green SUV who had a taillight out. So only one light lit up to inform me he/she was stopping. This would have been the end of my story, and there would be no rant here if that was the only vehicle with the problem. Nope, by the time I finished the 15min drive to my home, in the rain, I was behind no less than 5 cars with only one working tail light.
The safety issues bother me, and the annoyance of following them gets at me a bit too, but what really rubs me the wrong way is the fact that they have not been pulled over repeatedly for this. I have had tail light go out a few times in my jeep, due to a wiring problem that may or may not have resulted from one of the times the vehicle caught on fire. Anyhoo... I have been pulled over a dozen times at least because of this. In fact I don't think I have ever gone more than a day or two with a tail light out without an officer pointing it out to me, both in the state of OK and FL. So how do these jackholes get a pass from that annoyance? Or am I to believe that all 5 of these vehicles lost tail light function on the same day?
So endith the rant.
I live in the sunshine state, but unlike what the name suggests there are times when the sun doesn't actually shine. Like at night or during heavy rain. During these rare moments of sunlessness people in the FL find that driving will require the use of headlights.
Headlights are important they allow you to see obstacles in you way like deer, dogs, and unsupervised children. Headlights also allow you to be seen by other motorists which keeps you from trying to make a real life Voltron. Headlights are not the source of my ire here today. You see when you have a headlight out you generally replace it quickly seeing how you need then to see at night.
No, I have found an annoyance that fills me with indignant rage, which is easy to do when I'm driving especially if I'm driving in FL during a rainstorm. (I have road rage issues) When driving home from work the other afternoon during a particularly heavy rain shower I was stuck behind a green SUV who had a taillight out. So only one light lit up to inform me he/she was stopping. This would have been the end of my story, and there would be no rant here if that was the only vehicle with the problem. Nope, by the time I finished the 15min drive to my home, in the rain, I was behind no less than 5 cars with only one working tail light.
The safety issues bother me, and the annoyance of following them gets at me a bit too, but what really rubs me the wrong way is the fact that they have not been pulled over repeatedly for this. I have had tail light go out a few times in my jeep, due to a wiring problem that may or may not have resulted from one of the times the vehicle caught on fire. Anyhoo... I have been pulled over a dozen times at least because of this. In fact I don't think I have ever gone more than a day or two with a tail light out without an officer pointing it out to me, both in the state of OK and FL. So how do these jackholes get a pass from that annoyance? Or am I to believe that all 5 of these vehicles lost tail light function on the same day?
So endith the rant.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
spell'n is hard
So beginith the Rant:
I'm not a big fan of public protest. I believe it can be used, in moderation, to show disapproval for certain key items. By "key" I mean something that can negatively effect life, limb, and prosperity of humans. All other displays of civil disobedience for numerous reason that do not fall under that umbrella of importance are just boarder line nut jobs who need to take up a hobby that keeps them indoors. (you hearing me hippies? How about knitting?)
Today I was driving and heard on the radio that the national spelling bee in Washington D.C. was protested. The first thoughts to run through my head was, "Wow, I hate spelling, I suck at it. And I am so not a fan of the spelling bee. But I would never protest it. Because no one would support my irrational dislike of spelling. So, why the protest?"
Surely someone who is running the bee said something about gays, or is gay. Or maybe a judge was a convicted felon. Maybe someone sees the competition as objectifying children, or bias against dumb children. Maybe some bees were injured during the production. All of these reason would, in our world of idiots, seem to me as "reasonable" excuses to get riled up. (reasonable by hippie standards... stupid hippies)
As I read the article I realized that the small group of 4 protesters had an agenda that I completely support. Had I even known this bunch of crazies existed I would have made the jaunt to support the cause. (well maybe not, but I would have bought a t-shirt or wore a wristband)
Their point was this, "Spelling is too hard. We should change the English language to reflect logical and phonic spelling."
Can I get an amen?!
Those of you who know me, know my spelling ability can be surpassed by your average 4th grader. (seriously a below average 4th grader would stand a chance) I have always been cursed with a brain that sees words as more shapes and symbols rather than sounds, yet when it came to putting words down my brain will go with the letters that make the right sound. I'm sure this is a known and proven learning disability, and I bet there are special classes and meetings where I could go and be with more of my kind. (that frightens me... I like the idea that I'm like the highlander with this spelling curse, there can be only one)
Back on task. Imagine a world were you could spell anything as long as you knew what sound letter made... It would be awesome. And I would never have to call anyone named "Sean" "Shawn" again.... Sean your name is SEEN. And Herb would be a name and erb would be what you eat from the garden.
So endith the rant:
http://www.onenewsnow.com/AP/Search/US/Default.aspx?id=1036740
I'm not a big fan of public protest. I believe it can be used, in moderation, to show disapproval for certain key items. By "key" I mean something that can negatively effect life, limb, and prosperity of humans. All other displays of civil disobedience for numerous reason that do not fall under that umbrella of importance are just boarder line nut jobs who need to take up a hobby that keeps them indoors. (you hearing me hippies? How about knitting?)
Today I was driving and heard on the radio that the national spelling bee in Washington D.C. was protested. The first thoughts to run through my head was, "Wow, I hate spelling, I suck at it. And I am so not a fan of the spelling bee. But I would never protest it. Because no one would support my irrational dislike of spelling. So, why the protest?"
Surely someone who is running the bee said something about gays, or is gay. Or maybe a judge was a convicted felon. Maybe someone sees the competition as objectifying children, or bias against dumb children. Maybe some bees were injured during the production. All of these reason would, in our world of idiots, seem to me as "reasonable" excuses to get riled up. (reasonable by hippie standards... stupid hippies)
As I read the article I realized that the small group of 4 protesters had an agenda that I completely support. Had I even known this bunch of crazies existed I would have made the jaunt to support the cause. (well maybe not, but I would have bought a t-shirt or wore a wristband)
Their point was this, "Spelling is too hard. We should change the English language to reflect logical and phonic spelling."
Can I get an amen?!
Those of you who know me, know my spelling ability can be surpassed by your average 4th grader. (seriously a below average 4th grader would stand a chance) I have always been cursed with a brain that sees words as more shapes and symbols rather than sounds, yet when it came to putting words down my brain will go with the letters that make the right sound. I'm sure this is a known and proven learning disability, and I bet there are special classes and meetings where I could go and be with more of my kind. (that frightens me... I like the idea that I'm like the highlander with this spelling curse, there can be only one)
Back on task. Imagine a world were you could spell anything as long as you knew what sound letter made... It would be awesome. And I would never have to call anyone named "Sean" "Shawn" again.... Sean your name is SEEN. And Herb would be a name and erb would be what you eat from the garden.
So endith the rant:
http://www.onenewsnow.com/AP/Search/US/Default.aspx?id=1036740
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